Christmas Hints

Please feel free to look back to my Christmas postings from last year ... as I have been remiss a lot lately in my posting (excuses are: wedding that was beyond a nightmare due to Critically Ill Main Squeeze and the ensuing recovery and ensuing sinus infection that is raging behind my face). Nonetheless, I'm still thinking of you, my Sweet Poodle! And I had to pop in for a moment to share this reinforcement with you.

I have said for years on the radio and in person and in writing that men want the gift of gadget for Christmas (that, and lovin', but I digress). It is a tragic mistake for men to assume that their lovely diva wants the same type thing. Really, resist that thought pattern with all your might. I submit for your viewing pleasure the attached, which I can only hope was inspired by my lectures on this topic.

http://creativity-online.com/work/view?seed=5e32d548

Gentlemen, please take notes.

Alas, I must retire now to my steaming cup of whatever it is I cannot taste.

XOXO
Marjorie the Married Main Dish

Mental Note: Resist Spaghetti Day at Your Kid's Elementary School

When we moms get busy, we start to feel guilty about not paying enough attention to our kiddos. Personal reference: impending wedding (next week), heavy work load, normal never-ending amounts of laundry, etc. PLUS a child's birthday this week. So, one of our coping mechanisms to make our tots feel the mommy love is to go have lunch at the school when you can squeeze it into your mid-morning routine (yes, they eat lunch very early, which is why the afternoon snack is an essential MEAL).

I blatantly disregarded the lunch menu and was relieved that I could not only squeeze in lunch with one child, but both. Mine have the fortune of eating at 10:45 a.m. and 11:00 a.m., so I can get a visitor's pass and hang in the lunchroom for about 45 minutes and make BOTH boys feel like a million bucks. Sounds like the end of a little guilt, no?

So, it was Spaghetti Day. Let me just explain in as few words as possible how disgusting spaghetti + Kindergartners equals. I went to stand in line to get the unknown meal and my eyes rested on short noodles of spaghetti. I realized it was 10:45 and I was looking at spaghetti and felt terribly woozy. I managed to pass on lunch somehow and decided I'd just sit with the child(ren) and enjoy their precious company.

Once I got to the table with the Kindergarten class, the situation worsened. Despite wiping their faces kind of, the kids all took on an orange pallor. One kid I sat next to (not mine, thank God!), managed to get a small amount of sauce on his right ear (the side next to me, naturally). I thought at least twice I was about to have to run for a breath of fresh air.

Those sweet peas kept asking me if they could get me some iced tea. Really, I just couldn't imagine swallowing anything at that juncture. I must have looked a little green ... which certainly would have clashed with their bright, smiling, orange faces

Mercifully, their lunch time ended. When the 3 helpers in the class came to wipe down the tables, I had to flee. Really couldn't take that.

Nowhere was safe, though. I went to the second grade child's class table. Interesting dynamic in second grade: The girls realize that the boys eating habits leave a lot to be desired and split to the extent they're allowed what with the rule being that they HAVE to all sit as a class in a line of about 4 tables. There were 2 girls on one far end of the outermost table, 5 or so boys in the middle table (mine in the middle of this 3-ring circus, of course) lined up on one side so they have to lean over each other's food to talk to the ones on the outer edges, and the teacher and about 6 other children (notably the remaining girls) at the other far end table. Not catching on quickly and ever-hopeful that second grade would be less gross, I sat across from my child, who, again, was in the middle of the pack of boys .... ahem ... eating his green beans with his fingers. What a proud moment that was for me. Had it been night, I would have run out into it screaming my lungs out. Alas, it was not even noon.

The only improvement - and believe me, it was an improvement - was that their faces all seemed to have relatively normal tones. A small mercy.

While I managed to survive, I simply cannot close my eyes to sleep because Spaghetti Day at Elementary School flashes before me and my legs wobble and the rest of me feels totally shaky.

Please pass the Ambien.

It's Pumpkin Time, Pumpkin!

I know! I just LOVE pumpkins! And I use the word ... well .... liberally. They're just the most amazing things. The name is just so cute, n'est pas?

I promise to do more posting, Pumpkin. My topic will be Pumpkins. I apologize for the lapse in postings. It's just I'm about to get married to The Main Squeeze (SQUEAL!!!! IN A FEW WEEKS!!!!!!) and on top of all my work, the boys' soccer and fall baseball schedules, and my singing rehearsals (concert on Sunday), I've been a little remiss. My profuse apo-la-la-logies.

But it is fall and I do have a lot of info on pumpkins. I promise to share over the next few days.

XOXO~ MTMD

Sarah theme continued

Frankly, I don't know what it is, but I just can't stop with the Sarah Palin topics. Oh well, here's another one for your perusal, Poodle.

SPECIAL ALERT: Californians Turned Off By Wine With Remarkably Similar Name to a VEEP Hopeful

Is this news? I'm leaning towards "entertainment", which is the only reason I go anywhere close to politics.

Diva WineKnow put me on to this topic. Made me laugh. Check out this article on Fox.
http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/09/24/palin-syrah-wine-drinkers-balk-at-a-chilean-wine-with-hints-of-alaska/

I'm just moosin' with ya

In the case that moose suddenly becomes a trendy meat item what with the intrigue from Sarah Palin, I serve up some solutions that hopefully will put you on the cutting edge of cuisine. Again, should this take off across the nation like her unprezidented (tee, hee) stardom has.

Of course, moose don't roam around Alabama, which is good because some places have their hands full with deer. You may be relieved to know that your favorite venison dish can be prepared with moose meat as a substitute. In case you don't have venison recipes, I offer some moose meat recipes for your digestion.

Moose Stroganoff
1 1/2 lbs moose sirloin steak (cut in 1/2" strips) 3 tablespoons oil
1/2 cup flour, plus 2 tablespoons flour 1tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon salt 1 cup beef broth
1/2 lb mushrooms, chopped 1 cup sour cream
2 small onions, chopped 1 clove garlic
Roll meat in 1/4 cup flour and salt. Saute garlic, onions and mushrooms in oil for 5 minutes. Add meat and brown. Remove meat, mushrooms and onions from pan. Add remaining flour to drippings in pan. Add Worcestershire and broth. Cook until thickened. Add sour cream. Heat until gravy simmers. Add cooked moose and vegetables and reheat. Serve over noodles or rice.

I'm starting to crave a Nordic vacation after reading that one. Let's head south and warm up. 'Cause nothing says "authentic moose recipe" quite like ........

Mexican Moose Casserole
1 1/2 lbs. ground moose 1/2 Cup water
1 pkg. soft tortillas 1/2 Cup mushrooms
1 (10 oz.) can enchilada sauce 1/4 Cup sliced black olives
1 can tomatoes 1/2 lb. grated cheddar cheese
Brown meat and spread evenly in bottom of baking dish. Tear up tortillas and place over meat. Pour enchilada sauce, tomatoes and soup over tortillas in layers. Sprinkle cheese on top and refrigerate overnight. Bake 45 minutes at 300 degrees, covered. Remove and brown.

These don't do it for you??? Relax, Poodle. You can also use your favorite meatloaf recipe featuring your fresh ground moose or use ground moose as the twist on your next hamburger.

Off to pick up my new eyeglasses.

OK, This is better than that grocery store crap

Inspired by a posting by Cardiac Diva.

Here's a suggestion on how to pass some time watching the hurricane coverage over the next 24 hours. For those of you who don't hear me on the radio, from time to time, I advocate drinking games during coverage of national events to make them much, much more interesting (I'm not about to be branded PC, so why pretend?). I believe these can work for those purposes. If you prefer to lessen the mixing of alcohol, I suggest an alternate game could be that any time you hear the phrases that are the name of these drinks, swill your beverage of choice. You can actually order these drinks in New Orleans at St. Charles Tavern.

MANDATORY EVACUATION
1 1/2 oz. Absolut Ruby Red vodka
1/2 oz. vermouth
ClamatoPrune juice
Combine vodka and vermouth in cocktail glass. Fill remainder of glass with equal parts clamato and prune juice. Stir. Drink. Ask next-door neighbor whose ficus tree blew over and crashed onto your roof-- even though you'd warned him for months to uproot it--if you can use his bathroom. Repeat.

CATEGORY 5
1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. tequila
1/2 oz. rum
1/2 oz. bourbon
1/2 oz. gin
Sweet-and-sour mix
Splash of fruit juice
Combine vodka, tequila, rum, bourbon and gin in a tall glass. Fill remainder of glass with sweet-and-sour mix and splash of juice. Stir, then garnish with an inverted drink umbrella. Drink during peak storm hours, and vow not to believe anyone who tries to tell you the hurricane that flooded your garage and destroyed your shed was just a Category 1.

CONE OF PROBABILITY
1 oz. cinnamon schnapps
1 sugar cone
Pour the schnapps into the sugar cone. Every time you hear a TV weatherman say, "cone of probability," bite off the end of the cone and down the shot. If you hear Weather Channel StormTracker Jim Cantore say it, drink two shots consecutively. (They should change this to the "Cantore Zone"... damn him.) Have you ever noticed that, despite all the cone of probability talk, if Cantore is parked in front of your house your ass is toast?

FEEDER BAND
2 oz. Midori
2 oz. rum
1 scoop vanilla ice cream
After your home loses power, combine Midori and rum in a cocktail glass. Add a scoop of the vanilla ice cream that is melting in your freezer. Stir, and drink through a straw.

BEACH EROSION
1 1/2 oz. Goldschläger
1/2 oz. apple brandy
1 pack Sugar in the Raw
Combine Goldschläger, apple brandy and sugar in cocktail glass. As you drink, seriously contemplate moving your Yankee ass back to New Jersey where it belongs.

DOWNED POWER LINE
1 1/2 oz. rum
5 oz. Jolt Cola
Combine ingredients in a cocktail glass. Drink while trying to figure out how the heck you're supposed to go two freakin' weeks without television and AC.

FLOOD ZONE
2 oz. Kahlúa
2 oz. Baileys Irish Cream
4 oz. rum
Serve in a 6-ounce glass and laugh-cry deliriously as the mess spills all over the countertop. (Get it? There's a little math involved, Pumpkin!)

LOOTERS WILL BE SHOT
1 oz. Jack Daniel's
Splash of sarsaparilla
Rock salt
Load both barrels of a shotgun with rock salt. Climb to the roof of your house with gun, bottle of Jack Daniel's and can of sarsaparilla. Fill shot glass with Jack and splash of sarsaparilla. Watch for looters. When you spot one, blast his ass with rock salt. Drink shot. Repeat.

I don't know about you, but thanks to Cardiac Diva, I'm going to be a lot more relaxed while watching hurricane coverage from now on!

Grocery Shopping Strategies

I've got food on the brain ... and an empty stomach and 'fridge, so I'll write about it instead of eating (yeah, that'll work).

I recently read where the average American buys groceries twice a week. Are You Serious?!?!? Are you like me and don't really love the grocery store? It's not bad, it just takes a lot longer than I feel like it should and that's my basic beef with it. Not a quick thing -- so, maybe that's why people go twice a week and make 2 quick trips. Not efficient, Cupcake.

The price of food, along with everything else, is going up. Brace for your grocery bill to rise 4-5% this year compared to last year. What can we do to make sure we get the best bang for our grocery buck? Here are some of the things I do:

• Clip coupons ... but only the ones you already buy.
• Make out your menu list for the week before heading to the store. This way, you won't have to make that quick trip later on to pick up that one item because you will list all ingredients needed for your meals when making your shopping list.
• The Main Squeeze, an efficiency expert, was impressed when he discovered I listed needed groceries working from the south end of the store to the north end. When I run out of frozen waffles, for example, I write it down on the bottom portion of the list because it's on the north end of the store (and I get the frozen stuff last so it won't melt in the heat).
• The less expensive meats are poultry.
• Freeze meats that you're not using within a day or two, especially when they've been marked down because stores typically do this on the last date of sale before expiration.
• Did you know that store brands are typically 15-20% cheaper than national brands? Noodle that one.

I'd love to hear your grocery shopping tips. Share with the group.

My New Favorite Grill Item

Cupcake, you know how I love all things grilling. Well, I've run across this amazing gadget that is simply a must-have item. And the price is beyond excellent. Williams Sonoma (don't you just Love that store?!) has come out with a mesh pan, like the ones used in the Basque region. You remember, that tiny, tiny area between Spain and France. They're really nationalistic and don't want to belong to either of those countries. Anyway, one of the great things they've added to cuisine is cooking in innovative cookware over the grill. (Photo source: williams-sonoma.com)

When one grills in a mesh pan, several amazing benefits spring to mind:

1. No more sticking to the grill with that fun, fun subsequent scrubbing and burning off stuck-on food.

2. You can soak the mesh pan in a wonderful device known as your kitchen sink to get it really clean

3. The mesh pan allows the food to cook without adding oil to the veggies, which is important to those of us watching our fat intake and who have been advised not to hand-pour olive oil while cooking (yes, this from my Italian-origin trainer -- more on that sacrilege another day, Poodle).

4. If you use chips in your fire to enhance the flavor, your veggies really absorb it better in the grill pan

5. You can slice up the items in your grill pan smaller than you'd be able to do otherwise on your grill

Check it out on http://www.williams-sonoma.com/. Let me know what you think.

Oh! And sorry for the absence. I'm cooking up something else and will reveal it soon enough, but it's taking up a lot of my time right now. Miss you, Strudel!

Hot, Hot Olympic Merchandise

You know that people collect hats, pins, and t-shirts commemorating the Olympic games. Then there's the good old American ingenuity inspired by love of sport, great competition or just a crazy name that gets products churning out. But, please, please don't discount the effect that hottie male swimmers have on the American female home viewer. I have refined diva girlfriends who are almost in cat fights over Michael Phelps being their next boyfriend. I've overheard other girlfriends talk about how they think that swimsuit is just going to peel every so slightly to reveal the plumber crack and giggling about it. They are all in phases of depression now that swimming is over. PS I'm laughing at all of you.

Anyway, here is a delightful product that was sent this morning for my perusal (thanks, Allen!). I am compelled to share it because it just makes me laugh even harder.

Should you need to acquire this immediatemente, I understand it's available at The Hotness Factory. Google it. I can't look it up,

'cause the tree removal dude finally showed up to take down my gigantic, totally dead oak tree. Must run.

Toodles~

American Idol Auditions today and a diva pal is there

Just want to let you know that Diva pal, Katie Jones is in Jacksonville, FL at this very moment and will audition sometime today for American Idol. Katie is very talented!! Ruben Studdard's manager has heard her sing earlier this spring and was very encouraging about her pursuing a music career. The manager, though, doesn't know that Katie is auditioning for 'Idol' - not that it matters one whit, just thought it was an interesting side note :).

Wouldn't it be SO GREAT to have another Birmingham 'Idol' contestant??? And to have a DIVA on 'Idol'??? I have already promised Katie that if she goes to LA, I'm flying out to be in her posse.

I'm SO PROUD of her following her dream. Katie told me that she has wanted to audition for years, but always came up with an excuse not to. She's there today because she ran out of excuses. When are you going to run out of your excuses and go do something adventurous? You'll only regret not trying.

GO, KATIE!! SING YOUR HEART OUT, DIVA!!! And please dish with us here when you get back home. I for one can't wait for news!!!!!!! XOXO

School Supplies for MOM

No, I'm not going back to school. My liver couldn't take it, Poodle. However, the start of the school year is a great time for you to organize your household. I've talked in prior posts about the endless ambush of school papers coming home in those deadly backpacks, but golly PETE, they're relentless and will absolutely destroy your counter tops if you don't take preventative action.

Some of you may really like to file things. I like the concept, except for when it's in a nice drawer, it's all of a sudden out of sight, out of mind. And that's not so good when school items have to be returned by a certain date or your kid turns into the loser who can't go on the field trip because mom neatly filed the permission slip that's lounging one more day in its climate-controlled, dark drawer.

So, how do I get the 'You're such an on-top-of it Mom' praise from the teachers? (I admit to striving for the Pet Mom designation.) I return items the very next day with a little help from my Mom School Supplies.

Mom School Supply List:
1 colorful calendar for the fridge (I use themes every year. Sometimes we learn about a country, activity, etc - I know, I'm waaaay into themes- but I plan parties as part of my living, and it just spills over into other areas of my life). Mark school holidays and birthdays immediately. Write due dates of everything. Include sport activities for each child. This is now the brain of the household.

1-2 clip-type magnets to hold said calendar on the fridge (they get heavy and slide down to the floor otherwise). If you post the calendar on a Bulletin Board, you don't need magnets, but may need push pins. Some folks like the dry erase board message center, but the dust from those things stain floors and makes a mess in my experience. But suit yourself.

1 diva-inspired 1" binder with pockets. This is your HOUSEHOLD MANAGEMENT BINDER. You are too glamorous for a plain one, Princess. Mine has a blue leopard print on it. It's fabulous. Some days, it helps to have a fabulous binder with mundane topics in it to inspire you to open it.

A hole puncher. I have a skinny one that fits flat and has ring loops for the binder, which is great because I don't have to run upstairs to my office to grab the big hole punch.

Color coordinating (if possible, otherwise, just colorful) tabs. My tabs are as follows:
~ School for general information, medication forms (keep clean and make copies), summer reading lists, Progress reports or daily reports, etc.
~ Room Parent Information if you're the Room Mom (I'm not this year, I'm pleased to report). One suggestion if you are the room mom, get one or two other co-room-parents if possible so that if someone is out of town, in a meeting, has a sick child, there's more than one person to fill the job. This tab is especially helpful for school carnival or fundraiser information/lists as well as for how to contact parents in the classroom.
~ A tab for each sport/after-school activity that your kid/s participate in. I keep team rosters for years because some of the kids don't go to the same school and inevitably, one child wants a teammate to come to a birthday party and if I've thrown out the list, I can't look up the dad's name to find the child in the phone book. You know... Basic Nightmare.
~ A tab for summer activities so I can refresh my memory in say March when Junior is bugging the stew out of me at Spring Break and I yearn for ways to get him out of the house for an extended period of time
~ A tab for birthday party organization per child as well as a record of what the birthday present was for the child
~ A tab for Christmas gifts so I can make lists for the whole family ... and I never throw the lists out so I won't duplicate presents.
~ In the front pocket, I keep the most recent school directory and some adorable pre-printed Note To The Teacher forms so I can just check off a box.
~ In the back pocket, is a legal pad for notes. I use it a lot.

Cute sticky notes/little note pads, 'cause I love them a lot. I have sticky notes with my company name on them, and then the fun stuff like in the shape of a purse, with shoes printed on them, leopard print, etc. I just picked up the purse-shaped ones at Target for $1 last week. It's my current fave!

Colorful envelopes for sending money in for lunch, PTO dues, field trips, donations to the school library, and whatever endless items I have to send continual checks to the school for. I have noticed that these don't get misplaced like the plain ones do (I happen to be out of them right now and I just got an email that said the PTO didn't get my check, which I DID send BTW but in a plain white A-10 envelope, so see, it pays to have the colorful ones!)

Paper clips. I have an unexplained attachment to binder clips. I just LOVE them a lot. Especially the little bitty ones. They're so cute. But, I do love having everything together. Those backpacks are a black hole. If you paperclip your bright envelope with the check on to the form, there is less chance either piece will wind up in the unknown mystery area where socks disappear to when you put them in the dryer and they never return. Have you noticed that parallel universe between backpacks and clothes dryers, too? Or is it just me?

Any needed pens, pencils, etc.

I'm a To Do list person, so I need a colorful array of legal pads and spiral bound notebooks. These may not be essential for you.

As a management side note, I also have binders for each volunteer activity I do (church committee, each of my singing groups, Junior League, etc.) as well as any special projects I have going on (home decoration ideas I tear out of magazines, for example).

Well, Cupcake, I hope this helps get you organized to respond to this school year and that you, too, can strive for Pet Mom status. If you have any tips that work for you, please post to the blog. I'd la-la-love to add to my repertoire. XOXO

From my cousin, Diva Eyes

It’s Children’s Eye Health and Safety Month! Many eye care providers are offering great discounts on children’s eye exams. Have you had your child’s vision checked? DO IT! 80% of learning in children is done visually.

Paris for Prez in Pradas?

You have got to see this. And I have got to figure out why I can't get this to run on the blog site. Maybe too big??? Anywho, click on this and go to the video. While I'm not a Paris fan (person or city), I do like a girl with a sense of humor.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/webscout/2008/08/paris-hilton-re.html

Quick Tip: School Supplies

Have you noticed that the school supply lists are getting LONGER AND LONGER???? I have! Another thing I've noticed is that the closer one gets to the school start dates, the more likely places run out of very necessary supplies ... like construction paper (!). Why does a 2nd grader need construction paper? I get it for the kindergartner, but seriously. I digress.

You know who doesn't run out of school supplies? On-line places like Officedepot.com, Officemax.com, and Staples.com. When your order's big enough, they'll comp the shipping and save you a trip up and down and back again through their aisles. Noodle it, GlamourMom!

On Vacation

Wish you were here, Poodle. XOXO Marjorie TMD

You can't make this stuff up!

Here's the latest antics from my former radio show hosts, Richard Dixon and J. Willoughby. Just goest to show a diva never knows who she'll find she knows when browsing the AP wire reports! I know these guys. Trust me. They'll go through with it, too!

Dad Sells Baby's Name for $100 Gas Card
AP
Posted: 2008-07-12 16:10:34
Photo credit: Jacob Langston, Orlando Sentinel

ORLANDO, Fla. (July 12) - An Orlando man has traded the naming rights to his unborn son for a $100 gas card. David Partin recently heard that a local radio station was giving $100 worth of free gas to the listener who called in with the most interesting item to trade. Central Florida radio hosts Richard Dixon and J. Willoughby were quick to take Partin up on his offer, The Orlando Sentinel reports.

David Partin, posing with his pregnant girlfriend Samantha Bailey, agreed to sell the rights to his unborn boy's name to a Orlando radio station for a $100 gas card. Two morning show hosts plan to name the baby after themselves, "Dixon and Willoughby."

When the baby is born this winter, he will be named Dixon and Willoughby Partin — with the "and" included. Partin's girlfriend, Samantha, says at least her son will have an interesting story about how he got his name. Dixon and Willoughby plan to be at the hospital when the baby is born and will hand over the gas card when they see the official birth certificate.

Strategic Make Up Tips

I wish I had a quarter for every time someone calls me up and starts a conversation with, "Since you're The Diva, I just know you will have the answer to my dilemma." Oh, the pressure. This happens more than once a week. Not counting the emails, either.

So, tonight, I was home cleaning up home-made pizza splatter when a dear friend calls with that opening. Seems a friend (and in this case, I know it's not her disguising herself as a "friend") is going through a divorce, had a wild evening last night, and the fellow she was with insisted upon leaving his ... ahem ... mark ... er ... make that plural ... on her neck. She wears some type of uniform to work, so the scarf in July is completely out of the question. She needs on-the-spot solution, so to speak.

Frighteningly, I did not miss a beat. I did know just what to say. Now, on the off-chance my mother is reading this, I for the record haven't had this affliction since college. Personally, I find it tacky, but nobody asked me.

Anywho, the primary concern is to determine the color. She said it was purple. I had to again scientifically clarify: red-purple or blue-purple? There is a HUGE difference. In this case, it was red-purple. (NOTE: The victim is caucasian with very fair skin)

Once the coloration is determined, hie thee prontissimo to the nearest CVS to the Physician's Formula make-up section. Other brands may do, but I have it on great authority for the price, this stuff can't be beat. You will purchase 2-3 products.
1. The great and wonderful green cover-up. That totally tones down the red. Of course, there's another step, cause you just can't go out with green splotches - that's as bad as the root of the problem.
2. The double-sided yellow (one side)/beige (other side) liquid concealer that conveniently sometimes comes in one package wherein the double-sided wand screws (cough, cough) into each color. Do you get the visual? Sometimes these must be purchased individually due to stocking issues. The beige is good to cover the green.
SIDE NOTE: This make-up one-two punch also works wonders on blemishes.
SHOULD your problem be the blue-purple persuasion, skip the green stuff and go straight for the yellow concealer and glop it on, girl.
3. Liquid foundation (if you don't have any already).

Scurry home and see if this works. If so, you're good to go. If not, hop back in your car and find stage make-up ... specifically foundation in a stick if at all possible. Mine is the width of a quarter at the opening. This stuff is THICK and will cover anything, especially on top of the green stuff followed by concealer. While it makes me break out if I wear it too long, I think in this particular case, a break out wouldn't be so bad, n'est pas?!

One of my Latina-heritage cha-cha divas advises me that someone in this predicament should also spread the skin apart with fingers as tautly as possible, take a quarter and apply it to the devastated area, "much like rubbing butter on toast, only much, much harder". This, according to ella, makes the broken blood vessels and blood scurry from whence it came. Ella cautions that this will REALLY HURT. Follow immediately with lots of ice applied to the area, Poodle. (Can you just skip the rubbing part and go straight to the ice??? I wonder.)

I would la-la-love to hear your suggestions, Princess, so do comment by tapping the "comments" below to the right and pouring your heart out. It could help a diva in distress. You know, for the good of the group and all .... TOODLES!!!!

Sick of your kids yet??? Pack 'em off to camp pronto

It's not too late. Several camps have openings ... starting tomorrow morning. Here's the news release I wrote (I'm the spokesperson, so I can do this kinda' thing):

It’s not too late to get your child off the couch and save the summer from boredom and unending trips to the swimming pool. A few Alabama camps have spaces for children at their camps.

“Parents may think they are out of luck by this point in the summer, but the reality is that camps across the state do have openings for campers,” says Marjorie Davis, spokesperson for the Association of Alabama Camps. “Camps have wonderful activities for children designed to get them active before the school bell rings,” she continues.

Some of the most popular activities at camp this year include traditional favorites such as horse-back riding, riflery, swimming, and tennis. “Children at camp certainly don’t complain about being bored because they’re too busy having fun and engaging in exciting activities designed for age and ability,” says Davis. “In addition to the activities typically associated with summer camp, kids this summer are flying through the air on zip lines, climbing bouldering walls, and jumping into lakes on inflatables called Blobs. There’s not a bored face in sight.”

The Association of Alabama Camps represents more than 90 summer camps across the state of Alabama. This year, camps in Alabama will serve an estimated 250,000 people.

Here's who's got spots and when:
Camp Skyline for Girls, Mentone AL
July 6-18
July 20-August 1
Contact www.campskyline.com, call 1-800-448-9279 or email info@campskyline.com

Camp Cosby (YMCA) Alpine (Lake Martin), AL
July 6-11
July 13-18
July 20-25
July 27-August 1
August 3-8
Contact wmcclain@campcosby.org, www.campcosby.org

Marannook Camp (boys and girls), LaFayette, AL
July 20-25
July 27-August 1
Contact www.marannook.org or marannook@mindspring.com

Lookout Mountain Camp for Boys (ages 7-15), Mentone, AL
July 6-18
July 20-August 2
July 6-August 2
Contact www.lookoutmountaincamp.com or call (256) 634-4758

Camp Mac (boys and girls), Talladega National Forest, AL
July 14-August 9
Contact www.campmac.com, office@capmmac.com, or (256) 362-7449

Riverview Camp for Girls, Mentone, AL
July 6-18
July 20-25
July 20- August 1
Go to www.riverviewcamp.com for immediate registration or 800-882-0722 for questions

Camp Coleman (Girl Scouts), Trussville, AL
All remaining sessions through July 25
Day camp accepts boys and girls
Contact the registrar by calling 1-800-734-4541. Camper does not have to be a Girl Scout to attend camp.

Kanawahala Program Center (Girl Scouts), Dunnavant, AL
All remaining sessions through July 25
Contact the registrar by calling 1-800-734-4541. Camper does not have to be a Girl Scout to attend camp.

The available slots were reported to the AAC as of 7/2/08 and are subject change. Please contact individual camp for age, availability, payment arrangements, and other questions.

Grill Grabbers for July 4th

July 4th is Friday. Wondering what to prepare for an entertaining and delicious summer side? I suggest two foods that you may not think to throw on Barbie that make a wonderful summer splash and are are SO EASY to draw rave reviews.

Grilled Corn on the Cob
Despite the convenience and fast turn around of my dad's preferred corn-cooking method, the microwave, I like to grill corn. It's easy and fun to do. Fire Barbie to high and pull back the leaves to make handles. I like to tie the leaves with butcher's string or in a pinch, dental floss. Remove the silk, of course. You can throw the corn on to the grill like this, no problem-0. But I like to brush on quasi-melted butter infused with minced garlic and chopped cilantro or basil. It's just a little fancier with that little flair. Brush, cook, and rotate for about 10 minutes or so depending on the size of the corn. A trick is to keep the leaves from the flame. Once your corn is grilled, you can eat with the handy handles still tied up OR you can break the cob in half and slice off the kernels to use in a salsa or salad.

Grilled Peaches
Don't forget to grill fruit for an outstanding ovation, Mon Chef! My boys' current fave is grilled peaches. It tastes like peach pie with out the crust. They can't believe that I serve them this sweet-tasting delicacy with their meal and don't save it for dessert. You can do either one and you'll score major points with kids and grown-ups alike! Simply cut the peach into halves and remove the seed. I say "simply" because most people can do this without difficulty. However, I encountered peaches last Sunday that weren't exactly the ripest; I just couldn't get them sliced into halves very well. OK, I butchered them. Sigh, "Slaughtered" is more appropriate. Skewers saved the day! Either way, grill the peaches until you get those nifty grill marks on them (shorter cooking time for the sliced-to-bits variety than the perfectly sliced halves).

Serving options are abundant for grilled peaches. Most of the time, I serve them as a side because I'm time-crunched with STARVING children who currently are eating me out of house and home due to full-blast summer activities. Other suggestions I highly recommend include:
~ Serving for dessert with a scoop of ice cream on top of a grilled half OR a butchered peach as topping on the scoop of ice cream. Either choice makes a pretty and unexpected presentation.
~ Chop up the slaughtered grilled peach even further and make a salsa with your grilled corn to put on top of grilled fish. Add diced avocado, mango, and papaya mixed with a little lemon juice, garlic, and chopped cilantro and your fruit chutney with corn makes a colorful and delicious topping to please the eye and stomach.

Any grilled fruit or veggie you'd like to suggest? I'd love to hear about it, so post your fave by clicking that envelope picture below to the right. Happy Independence Day, Divas and Dudes!

Libation Celebration

As you may imagine, I embrace all things harmlessly fun. In that vein, I bring you what I have discovered lately in my personal search to take beer places they're not generally seen --specifically children's baseball tournaments. Let me just tell you how a mother needs a beer in a lightning storm with children bouncing out of boredom when ordered by umpires to the car for the 5th time in one inning. A diva just HATES to leave her beer unattended to warm without her when the game resumes ... only to be sent back to the car 15 minutes later. I bring you my latest adorable finds. I was specifically searching for beer can-o-flage when I stumbled on other options. Cupcake, these are must-haves and would make wonderful stocking stuffers for that adorable alcoholic in your life!


For $14, you can have this attractive puppy monogrammed for that personal flair. Please note the camo for that outrageous man in your life. None of that polka-dot @#$ for him! There are more selections, so check out http://www.thepinkmonogram.com/ for these coozies designed for the "taller beer cans, sports drink bottles, and baby bottles". I can't stop laughing!!!!


Now, for the serious public place closet beer drinker, these lovely reusable labels can be found on several Internet sites. Search "beer wraps" or "canoflage". Prices range from $5.89 to $12.00 for 4 different wraps. Might as well bulk order because the shipping is generally outrageous. But, hey, these are hilarious. And you can go to that music concert with open container proudly displayed, albeit hidden.

Cheers, my devilish Pixie!!!

Ball field Accoutrements

One of the bleacher moms told me yesterday before the electrical storm and ensuing downpour that I should post a list of everything I bring to the ball field so that my player and his cheering entourage can enjoy the game.
1. An umbrella, which inevitably gets left in the car.
2. A cooler with pre-frozen Gatorade and water bottles (you not only keep the cooler cooler, but the player gets the frozen drink in the dug-out and it stays colder longer OR he enjoys a slushie); a baggie with moistened wash cloths; bug spray (refreshing when you spray on chilled bug spray!); 45 sunscreen (ditto); drinks for the child's cheering section; sliced fruit; and ice in a baggie for injuries. I take a bigger cooler if we are enjoying a double-header in the oven.
3. Lots of napkins and paper towels
4. A stadium chair
5. At least 1 baseball for little brother's entertainment
6. A bag in addition to my purse. Mental note: need to condense this into one item. In the bag are snacks, chips - basically energy junk food that won't melt in the heat, little brother's glove, my glove (little brother has a rocket for an arm), tons of napkins, wet ones (usually gets left in the car), eye black stuff, face stick of sunscreen (I swear by that stuff with sweaty boys), and anything else I can't carry.

The Main Dish does a lovely pack mule imitation. Glamour abounds at the ball field. But, of course, I wear a floppy hat so as to ensure the diva-look.

Feel free to use these tips at your picnic or other outdoor activity in the oven.
Stay cool!

Tip Toe Shape

Cupcake, it's starting to heat up outside. It's time to put your toes out in cute sandals. Ooh! I just love shoes! However, don't blow the look by sporting ugly feet in snazzy footwear. What a buzz kill!

Now I know what you're thinking, "Darling Dish, I don't have time or money (do you KNOW what summer camp activities cost for kids? or how long a diva drives daily to get those kids out of my hair? YES, I do) to run off for a weekly pedicure!" No sweat. Here are some diva-licious home pedi tips so you can look your tip toe best!

1. Remove old nail polish completely.

2. With high quality clippers (invest in new ones every 2 years, I say), trim the toenail so as to not let the toenail hang over your toe. That's a toe-pas! (giggle: instead of faux pas! Couldn't resist it!)

3. For a square toe shape, file the corners of your nail in one direction using an emory board (metal files tear your nail, Princess!). Remember, the coarse surface shortens the nail; the smoother surface smooths the nail edge.

4. Soak those tired puppies. Use a large, flat-bottom bowl or equivalent with warm water to cover your feet completely. Add bath salts, aromatherapy products, or Epsom salt to the water. Delicious. Adding a 1/4 cup of milk to the water will do wonders since lactic acid helps loosen dead skin! Great factoid. The more calloused your feet, the longer your puppies stay submerged.

5. After toweling your feet off (don't they feel supple?!), apply cuticle remover to the base of each nail and rub in. After waiting a minute or so, use an orange stick to push back cuticles. Use cuticle clippers to remove excess, but be careful!!!

6. Apply a foot or body scrub to your foot. Use a wet pumice stone if you have one handy to apply the abrasive. The idea is to smooth your foot and remove dead skin. If your foot turns red, back off, baby -- you're punishing your peds!

7. Rinse, towel dry, and apply a moisturizing foot cream. Mmmmm.... I don't know about you, but I'm semi-conscious with relaxation at this juncture.

8. Rehydrate your cuticles with cuticle oil.

9. Pull out your nail polish remover (with acetone) and apply to the nail to get rid of the oils you just applied to the cuticle (i.e. leave it on the cuticle, but off the nail itself).

10. Once dry, apply 3 coats of nail polish and then a sealer.

Allow ample time for your polish to dry.

Now, isn't that refreshing and appealing, Kitten?! It makes such a big difference in the way you feel about yourself ... and makes those sandals look even more adorable! Promise!

The Indy 500

Do you think I had a good time at the 500 or what? I'm telling you, there's never a dull moment around me. I can get myself into pretty much anything.

There's just nothing quite like being in a really fast, really red race car plastered with sponsors. Hugging curves never felt so extraordinary. The engineers, though, leave out the comfort factor in these puppies. I can't imagine driving in that capsule for hours on end for 500 miles. Serious fanny fatigue has GOT to ensue.

The part about the race experience that made me laugh the hardest? People kept telling me that "Indy Car Racing is so much more high-brow than Nascar". The only thing I could imagine that people were talking about on this subject was that in addition to your soda and beer choices, Indy 500 fans can select margaritas at food and beverage stands in the stadium. Please tell me when tequila and triple sec started to qualify as "high brow". Not that I was expecting tails and Kir Royales to abound at the race course, but I'm starting to wonder about some of my racing sources and their lucidity.

One thing people kept telling me before the race is that Indy cars go faster than other race cars (hence, them thinking this race format is superior to the other types of racing; I can't judge as I've only been to a grand total of one race now). All I can say is you need to not blink because you'll totally miss a car going by. You can only detect a blur of color when the car passes you. Sometimes, I just counted the nee-yaa sounds whipping past.

A moment to talk about the spectacular seats we had. Diva Janet, you are a sporting arena goddess!!! The seats were AWESOME. We were about 12 rows from the track, across from the pagoda and stage where EVERYTHING happened. I could plainly watch Kristi Yamaguchi climb the ladder to get on the platform to wave the flag (her jeans, I SWEAR, looked like they were Jordache brand from the 80's!!!). I saw Danica throw down her gloves after she was hit and taken out of the race to try to settle the score. I watched Scott Dixon turn the bottle of milk on himself. The pagentry at that event is pretty cool ... and I could see the scheduled and unscheduled stuff without much aid from the jumbo-tron. Impressive.

The factoid I found most interesting: it didn't smell at all. The cars run on ethanol. Bet you divas didn't know that one. There's always something to learn, Kitten.

Gas Link

Gas prices in Indiana are 20 cents MORE than prices in Alabama. Woah! I'm wondering if that's because they're trying to make money on all the race fans. Sigh.

Here is a link allowing you to put in a zip code and it ranks the gasoline prices lowest to highest in your area. http://autos.msn.com/everyday/gasstations.aspx

If I don't post for a while ...

It's because I'm about to be at the ball field constantly. My 5 year old's t-ball team won the city championship last night. Both my boys have been chosen for all-stars. Of course, their games will be played in 2 different towns. What do you think my odds are that the games won't be at the EXACT SAME TIME??? I'm about to hold my breath.

Oh, and I'm heading to Indianapolis for the weekend. I hear there's something called a "motor sport event" happening there. I'll investigate and report back.

File Under: Are You KIDDING ME?????

For those of you thinking that on-line dating services = the way to find hotties, I submit this California girl's approach.

http://www.latimes.com/la-icu,0,5849955.htmlstory

There's just so much wrong with this, I can't narrow down the place to start. So, I suggest you read the postings after viewing the video. Quite entertaining yet totally disturbing when you think about it. Oh, and you hot guys, please be careful at the gas station in case this catches on!

The question I can't get out of my mind is: What is a guy on a bike doing at a gas station near the pump anyway? I think there could be more to the story. Which distrubs me further.

Aargh! My day is consumed with this mental bubble gum.

WHAT AM I THINKING?

My express apology to Diva WineKnow. I cannot believe I neglected to mention that you should drop what you're doing (once you finish reading this) and call Jennifer at The Wine Cellar. If your Mom is in town and likes wine, have Jennifer put together a wine gift basket for you. Click on her link below, left and take a gawk at some of the gift baskets. Then call her to order. Again, you'll be sure to be Mom's Favorite.

PS She did NOT tell me to do this. It just hit me.

Now that my brain has whacked back into proper function .... If your mom's a reader, contact Katherine at Jonathan Benton Bookseller for a book suggestion or gift card.

Better yet, combine these two ideas, cover your bases, and Mom will love you forever (like she doesn't already. You know you're her favorite!!!!)

Off I go. XOXO

Quick Update

I'm off to NYC to sing again at Carnegie Hall under the direction of the Choral Group Hottie, Terre Johnson. I can't wait.

Just want to let you know that I'll be back on The Rox Report 5/19 at 8:30; topic is celebs, so keep your requests coming. I now have Roxanne's link over there under blog faves (even though it's a web page - small detail).

If you want to buy my 2001 Mercedes S430, it's parked across the street from the Macy's entrance at Brookwood Village with an info sheet on the rear passenger door. BTW, the phone number is my agent's.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all you moms! For ideas on what to send Mom at the last minute, I refer you to the Valentine Flower information posting. You'll be Mom's favorite for sure!

Toodles, Poodle! XOXO ~ Marjorie TMD

What I learned: Brangelina Radio Topic Follow up

There were several items from my Monday spot on The Rox Report that I didn't get to and think my divas and dudes will enjoy knowing:

You can have it all. Especially when you have enough dough to fly around in your own Gulfstream Jet with pilot, go everywhere with 2 nannies and 3 security guards, and are met at friends mansions by a staff of 12 at your service. When that's the case, you can be a mom and work for world peace. See, this is what it takes to make that happen. Pressure's now off, Kitten.

You (yes, you in the pink) can have Angelina’s lips. While they seem to be a natural phenomenon, you can emulate the look with these simple steps:
1. Exfoliate your lips (huh? I know!) with warm water and a wet wash cloth for 30 seconds.
2. Use Angie-endorsed Carmex on your lips to keep them succulent looking all the time. Yes, she has said in interviews that it’s her secret make-up product. Anywho, Carmex also makes your lips more receptive to enhancement treatments you apply yourself
3. Scurry and purchase one of those limp plumpers (the most recent thing in lip-enhancing technology – yep, they have "lip technology" these days). NOTE: some brands may give you a slight burning feeling and some brands note to not lick your lips for fear of allergic reaction wherein your throat may swell up (beauty for what cost, I ask you?!?)
3. a. ALTERNATE IDEA: Raid your seasonings and grab some cayenne pepper OR a combo of ginger and cinnamon to increase the circulation in your kisser and apply a very small amount across your lips and top with lip gloss. Again, especially cayenne could cause what I would consider to be moderate discomfort, so be careful with that application
4. Use a light colored lip liner close to the shade of your lips and fill in the entire pucker area and top with lip gloss (Angie never sports gigantic red lips).

While I’m not about to do any of the above, if you’re so inclined, tell me about your adventure with beauty concoctions involving your spice rack and your face.

Of course, these tips are less expensive than the #1 growing request plastic surgeons are hearing from women: lip enhancement surgery so they will look like Angelina.

SIGH! Kitten, you are a divine human.

I'm looking up Rox's blog to post a link on my faves, BTW.

Microphone, Please

I am most pleased to announce that I will be appearing as a guest on WAPI 1070's The Rox Report starting Monday, May 5th from 8:30-9:00. Lisa Roxanne Holifield, the host whom I have already named Radio Diva, has asked me to provide regular material on "all things celebrity".

Thank you for all your input to my question about who your fave celeb is. I realize there are only a couple postings here, but I received numerous emails, a couple of phone calls, and was even stopped in the grocery store by people telling me who they liked to follow and why.

I am really glad I asked the question. I was very surprised and enlightened by the answers. For example, my high school friend who is now a dentist told me that he wanted to know about what stars are giving back to their communities and has an interest in who is on stage. I would have never thought about that angle. Another diva wants to know about what celebrities are putting in their homes - gadgets and stuff. Hilariously enough, the person in Publix stopped me to tell me that she wanted to know what restaurants celebs liked and what foods are "in". Have no idea, but maybe I'll research it at some point. 'Cause now that I think about it, that would be fun to know.

I hope that my reports on "all things celebrity' will provide more content than what you find in the funny papers ... and I hope to work in some tips that will be entertaining, interesting, or that maybe you can actually use. Keep the celebrity opinions coming.

I hope you will tune in 1070 AM at 8:30 Monday. If you are out of the listening area, grab a computer, you can listen online at http://www.wapi1070.com/. If you haven't heard The Rox Report before, you will find Roxanne a delightful call-in-talk-show host with exquisite manners and a really big brain.

Dish wants to know

So, who are your favorite celebs to follow and why? Please post to the blog.
Yes, there is a reason for me asking this. All to be revealed Friday.
XOXO - MTMD
PS Please note: shortest entry yet

Help Desks Suck

My personal email isn't sending or receiving reliably. God only knows how long this has been going on. I have spent THREE DAYS on e-technical support and subsequently on the telephone to helpless Help Desks. Here's what I've learned so far:
~ No one really gives a crap
~ The people who are supposed to help you aren't really equipped to help you. You have to kick and scream to get anywhere. In doing so, you risk pissing off the little people who can write lies in the "log" about the problem, spouting such untruths as "she hung up on me, so I'm not fixing the problem since she is uncooperative". GOOD GRIEF! Why on God's Green Earth would I do something that would take LONGER to solve the problem???

Here's the morsel I've found to date:
If you get someone in India, you may request an American operator and they must transfer you to the next available on-shore operator. LOVE THAT!

Any tricks or tips or bribes that have worked for any of you to get you further up in the line of fellow sufferers would be most appreciated.

I think I'll need a lobotomy if I have to deal with much more of this. Alcohol won't dull the pain.

Need a Time-Waster/Mental Bubble Gum?

This Old House has a segment on their web page called [Range] Hoods Gone Wild. Apparently a few hood manufacturing companies decided to get creative with the range hood and have combined it with ways to charge unbelievably outrageous prices for range hoods (you know, those very noisy things that hang over your stove to keep the smoke out of your living room supposedly while you're whipping up a delicious treat).

You simply must take a gawk at this, Strudel. http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/photos/0,,20191317,00.html?xid=hinnewsletter-041508-vent-hoods Be sure to flip through all the pages to get the whole enchilada.

What proves most entertaining to this Diva are the posted comments under the professionally written product description. One, I swear, sounds just like our dear reader Allen (not the camp person Allen; Radio Listener Fan Allen - you both are morsels). See what you think and get back to me (NOT about the Allens; the Range Hoods, silly goose!).

Toodles, Poodles!

Err ... I (hack, wheeze, sputter, slurp) spoke too soon

Back on meds. Bronchitis, asthma, some form of infection in the lung/breathing area - yuck. Don't get me wrong, this is not stopping me from doing much of anything except singing - 'cause that's a lost cause right now, but I'm GONNA get better. I've got 2 weeks before the next singing performance, right Choral Group Heart-Throb?! Plenty of time.

So, for your Main Dish Fix, I submit a commercial for The Wine Cellar.

Kitten, you simply must stop by there PRONTO. It's really easy to get to and there's plenty of parking. It's off Hwy 31 in Vestavia. Turn in Publix. She's next door to a FAVE artist, Wendy LoVoy's Sips and Strokes studio (if you haven't done that, you're totally missing out, but that's another shameless endorsement).

Jennifer is a trained chef. O0h la-la! She can help you with your next party with menu advice AND suggest wines. It's just one of the many advantages she offers her clientele.

Think you can't afford to buy wine there? Think that specialty wine stores are tres expensive? Au contraire, mon frere. The Wine Cellar specializes in high-quality, low price (starting at $5/bottle!) wines. You can't afford to NOT check it out! Jennifer has sampled every single wine she carries. Now, is that a job benefit or what?! Are you hiring? Anyway, she stands behind everything she sells ... personally. And I was surprised to learn that not every specialty wine store does this. So, Jennifer is the exception, not the rule.

On a budget for your party? Who isn't! Give her a budget, the number of expected guests, and she'll work magic for you. Oh! She has the funniest cocktail napkins that will be the talk of your fete! I must snap some up the next time I'm in there.

Jennifer has eye-candy items that make fantastic gifts for your chic girlfriends - and you won't drop a lot of wonga paying for it, either! Doncha just love that?!

Want something totally fun and fresh to do Thursday night? Jennifer hosts wine tastings at the store. There's food, too! Learn and drink - a winning combo in my book! Click on her blog link for deets right away, Poodle! Also, you can see what Katherine looks like - her picture's on the blog.

If you haven't been to The Wine Cellar, you are missing out. Call 979-2151 if you need anything. Jennifer will probably even answer the phone. Tell her I said hey!

Another update

The bills passed both the House and the Senate committees yesterday. The compromise language boils down to this:

Good News: No School in June or July

Eh News: Schools won't start back until AFTER August 10th. It's still royally hot then, but it's better than Blount County's start date this fall of August 7th.

Out of the Blue: Schools will be allowed up to 6 weeks of vacation during the school calendar year. Currently there are about 5 weeks (Fall Break/Thanksgiving week, 2 weeks @ Christmas, 1 week spring break, 1 week of teacher work days).

THESE BILLS STILL HAVE TO GO IN FRONT OF BOTH THE HOUSE AND SENATE FOR VOTING BEFORE THIS GOES IN EFFECT, so stay tuned. Thanks to those who emailed. It made a big, big difference.

XOXO

Updates

1. HAIR. For those of you Sweet Peeps who have been concerned about the state/condition/color of my hair, please breathe a collective sigh of relief. The Main Squeeze is about to really like the color again (I usually pay zero attention to what a fellow thinks of my hair because if he's dating me for my hair, then I don't want him - The Main Squeeze isn't like that; he just likes the red, 'cause it's sassy. Tee, hee!) and for that, it's worth what I just dropped paying for it. The cut is great, though a little short. But to quote my mother, "The great thing about hair is it grows. Just wait." It just looks better. If you ever need a perk, go to a trusted stylist for a faboo cut and you're transformed.

2. Toenails = You're a Pisa Work, my very fave color (Opi brand)

3. Fingernails = French nude

PS I did 2 & 3 myself despite The Main Squeeze arranging for a mani-pedi for me. LOVE that a lot. The nail place was a disaster of an experience and reminds me why I don't like those foreign-jobby nail places, despite the fact they're time and cost effective. My feet were in tepid water they'd left running and forgotten about me until the thing nearly overflowed. To add to that experience, it was filled with Lysol, which was starting to slowly burn the skin off my body - NOT relaxing, by the by. The chair massage started a karate chop ... AT MY HEAD, which was really disturbing, but I thought, I'll just wait to see if the basin overflows and for sure, this action will go down my back. Well, it moved from my head (yea!) ... and got stuck in my back in such a way that you could readily see the kneading balls pushing through the pleather when you leaned forward. It just stopped like that. I couldn't sit back because I had these hard spheres in my back and to put my head on the head rest part, I had to arch my back. Remember, too, my skin is being seared off by Lysol cleaner that you add to water (like to mop with, I think). I sat bolt upright in a massage chair for like 15 minutes. No one noticed. The tub was about to overflow. No one noticed. I'd been left there in a foot-washing torture chamber and I wasn't at a country Baptist church. I decided that since I'm working to un-do the Hag look, I'd best get the hell out. If anyone knows of a good mani-pedi place that doesn't feature torture, please post. The Main Squeeze gets major points for thinking to get me a mani-pedi AND making the arrangements to surprise me. That was just beyond thoughtful. He's just THE Best!!!!

4. Fungus. Eyes are completely better. Contacts back in their rightful positions. The doctor's office never returned my phone call. Thanks to Voice Coach Queen, the doc's daughter had a lesson and VCQ inquired about the latest developments with the fungus down my throat etc. VCQ called me with the doc there b/c the doc realized she hadn't heard from me and PERSONALLY ON THE SPOT called in more RX's for me ... costing me more than $100 for this fungus treatment. It's on the mend and has cleared out of everything but my mouth and throat, which is an improvement.

5. I'm at the ballpark 4 week nights plus 4 hours every Saturday. I keep hearing from friends, "I haven't seen you lately." Well, I'm either driving to the ballpark (like to pick up children from across the globe and drive them to practice/games), at the ballpark, driving home from the ballpark, or scrubbing the red clay out of the baseball pants. Funny, the folks at the ballpark aren't the ones telling me they haven't seen me around. For those of you who know how competitive my boys are, you'll be relieved to know that one is on the #2 machine pitch team and the other one is on the #1 t-ball team at present.

6. When I'm not at the ballpark, I'm singing somewhere or in rehearsals. Mozart Requiem plays in my head at all times currently. Even when I sleep, it's going. Concerts start in about a month.

7. WAPI. I was a guest on Lisa Roxanne Holifield's morning talk show this morning. Being back in the studio was great! She is delightful. It's a great show featuring a smart, compassionate woman talking about timely topics and news. My topic, surprisingly, was not helpful tips, but the bill going to committee today concerning the school calendar issue. The phone calls were excellent and none staged, I promise! There was this one weird guy calling in claiming to be Roxanne's biggest fan, but I changed the subject of his conversation and she hung up on him. Yep, that's good old fashioned Girl Teamwork. The whole visit was great fun.

The Diva Comeback Tour continues. Well, actually, I have to go pick up in carpool line in a sec.
XOXO

I hate politics, BUT

In Alabama, there is a committee meeting TOMORROW that effects all of our school children. HB 179 and SB 241 propose a uniform start date close to Labor Day for ALL SCHOOLS and that they end just before Memorial Day.

Why is this a big deal? Do you remember the 107-degree days that we had in August? They're pretty typical in these parts. School children across Alabama go to schools either without air-conditioned buildings or with broken air conditioning. My kids (and probably yours) are a smaller percentage of kids who go to schools with good environments. Even in good environments, any child in the state riding a school bus is being transported in ovens in August. There are several stories of children suffering from heat exhaustion just from riding the school bus home in the afternoon. Children can't learn, do their homework, or feel invigorated to go to ballet lessons after suffering through these conditions.

When I was growing up, we had 11-12 weeks of summer. Now there are 8-10 weeks. We didn't go back to school until August 20th at the earliest. I remember one summer camp year when I was 14 or 15 dreading August 27th when school started. My kids' school starts August 11, 2008. UGH!

Kids with asthma can't go on the playground in August because the air is polluted (I have asthma, so I'm not knocking those kids). This prohibits the entire classroom from going on the playground. Kids need to get their energy out several times a day in order to behave in the classroom and to learn.

Not sold? How about the financial costs of air conditioning your home in August? Multiply that amount by a hormone-filled middle school of 500-1,000 kids PLUS the staff. THEN COOK for them and keep the lunch room at a reasonable temperature. WHY are we doing this at the historically hottest time of the year? WHY can't these dollars be put in the classroom instead of going to Alabama Power?

The Chamber of Commerces in the beach areas (Florida Panhandle and the Alabama Coastal areas) state that revenue goes down MILLIONS of dollars in August, the hottest month, because people are getting kids back to school -when they would otherwise be at the beach. This effects the amount of funds that go towards education and services, people! It's being taken out of our kids' educational pockets.

Educational Administrators wax on about test scores, more days needed in the fall to prepare for state testing, and the need for areas to set their own schedules. Let me debunk those for you.
1. Test Scores. The highest test scores in the state are in Mountain Brook. They are the latest starting school system in the state. They, by the way, have exams before winter holidays, too (another reason superintendents state the late start date is a bad idea).
2. More days in the Fall needed for state testing preparation. Homewood City Schools have MORE HOLIDAYS and WORK DAYS IN THE FALL THAN IN THE SPRING. If you require a fair break down that I emailed the committee members, I am pleased to provide it to you. It AMAZES me how miraculously these holidays and teacher work days fall right before or on, say, Columbus Day. See, superintendents have to work during the summer to get out those passing/failing test scores (never on time yet) and they want days off. They can't do it in the summer because they're trying to not fail the test score game. They don't care about kids learning anything. They want long weekends. To that point and bringing it to the hoity-toity level, my older child's teacher missed 5 days in the classroom to attend conferences that weren't scheduled during those appointed "work days". Hmmmmm....
3. School systems need to set their own schedules. Mobile is the chief complainer here - talking about Mardi Gras. Last time I checked, that's in the spring prior to testing. Well, if you don't take a fall break, you can make that adjustment in your instructional days. Boo-hoo. Get over it!

Our legislators hear from the superintendents all the time. They have been brainwashed by people who supposedly have our children's educational needs in mind. What I believe is that they have their own vacation plans in mind, screw our kids and let them melt. Folks, the heat in August in Alabama is dangerous and not conducive to learning. I urge you to email these people below who have the power to help our youngest citizens and do one more thing to help control their learning environment for the better. This is common sense. It is family-friendly. It makes economic sense. It helps disadvantaged children have a healthier, better chance at learning. Whatever of those reasons works for you, please communicate IMMEDIATELY with these people. Tomorrow's vote is riding on you - the superintendents have this beat if you don't email now to urge a Yes Vote and our kids will melt into dripping pools on their text books. By the way, they've heard from me personally TWICE this week. XOXO ~Marjorie

Email Addresses of Committee Members:
staterep@co.escambia.al.us ; staterep@co.escambia.al.us ; bboyd@calhouncounty.org ; macmccutcheon@knology.net ; house3@alhouse.org ; tommysherer@yahoo.com ; harryshiver@aol.com ; bsketa@aol.com ; camjulward@aol.com ; priscilla.dunn@alhouse.org ; lea.fite@alhouse.org ; john.robinson@alhouse.org ; yvonne.kennedy@alhouse.org ; terry.spicer@alhouse.org ; kbenefield@acs-isp.com ; bobby@bobbydenton.com ; senatorerwin@aol.com ; info@parkergriffith.com ; trip.pittman@alsenate.gov ; myronpenn28@hotmail.com ; qtross2002@hotmail.com ; wmitchell@faulkner.edu ; zeb@zeblittlelawfirm.com ; jabo.waggoner@alsenate.gov

Sandal Indulgence

I love shoes. Sigh. Nothing like a sassy pair of shoes makes such a great Diva statement. I don’t know what it is, but backless shoes, mules in particular, hold unexplainable irresistible appeal to me, though a peep-toe sling-back has a remarkably similar effect! There are several articles of clothing that you could have a plain one of, but WHY? Shoes is the Queen of that rule.

As with all clothes, you must know what fits your body shape and what works for you. For example, I’m short; therefore I MUST stay away from shoes with ankle straps because, Poodle, they cut you visually in yet another place and really make you look dumpy and shorter. I swear, they do! Even though those ankle tie sandals are the most diva-licious shoe morsels around. Slurp. I must resist.

Diva Sandal Selecting Tips (please note the shoes are the bullet points and are the examples):
Heels always make your legs look better. If that makes you groan, select a wedge. They’re just so comfortable and look so super. If you need a diva sandal, doesn't this low-heeled wedge just look delicious?! Try a bold color this summer. You will be so happy you branched out!

A sub note under that is the platform is still a fantastic “heel” option. (Thank you, Spain for Espadrilles!!! Divas adore them!) Please note the example has a peep-toe feature. See, you can combite delights such as: wedge + peep toe = Diva shoe

If your feet are prone to inflating and deflating at a moment’s notice (and this is all too real in the summer with the heat and AC), please avoid the gappy-strappy kind. I saw one poor woman’s feet on an airplane one time and it was just abysmal – it looked like fat was just oozing through those straps. Just a bad, bad look. Those sandals were the multicolored strap ones that were so big in the 80’s. I know I had at least 3 pairs of them in a 4 year period – just variations on the theme. THIS IS NOT TO SAY you cannot wear strappy shoes. Just make sure before purchasing that if necessary, they have adequate wiggle room (so to speak.
Flip flops don’t have to be boring. Yellow Box is my fave brand of them – surprised that I own the pink polka dot AND the leopard (it’s even fuzzy!)? But here are some that are under $20 – how great is that?!

I think I just spent 2 hours on http://www.shoes.com/, a site I simply must make certain you know about. All of the photos here are courtesy of that marvelously shoe-infused eye-candy wonderland of a website. Who needs therapy? Nothing makes a hag-making-a-diva-comeback feel inspired like looking at glorious shoes. I suggest you take a mental break, Cupcake, and indulge with me there. Free shipping and Free returns, now THAT’S Shoe Heaven.

The Road from Diva to Hag = Very Short; The Road from Hag to Diva = Very Long

Just when you think you’re rocking and rolling, life throws you a little curve. No biggie. Adjust / dodge it, right? Maybe you THINK you’re dodging it and then more curves come at you and once you look up after doing all that adjusting, you realize, you’re going to have basically quit your job just to rearrange stuff from the fall-out.

Case Study: ME
So, you all know that I think my former hairdresser has some substance problem as was evidenced by him falling asleep standing up during my prior two haircut appointments, ending in shall we say “stylistic disasters” (reference previous postings). My haircuts for the last year haven’t been up to par. The color has been getting progressively more extreme (ask my mother, she’ll go on and on). So, I’ve replaced him. But it’s now a “process” because the color had to be CPR’d and the cut had to be worked on. Work in progress. So, a diva believes though it’s under construction, it’s also underway and on track.

Enter Curve #2. I sing. I have gook in my throat all the time. Have for years. Apparently, this isn’t normal. I have acid reflux as a result of a near deadly case of colitis last year. Reflux burns your throat and depletes the vocal quality of the voice (makes you hoarse even if you are just talking) by inflaming everything in its path vaulting stomach acid up through what feels like the top of your skull. So, I went to the doctor in January. I have asthma thanks to the reflux. I spend hundreds of dollars on meds. Some don’t even work and I have to purchase replacements. It stinks, but that’s life. I had the opportunity to check a cool item of THE LIST (see prior posting) and sing from the rooftop. I had to sound and look decent while doing so, of course. Found new stylist and got a great cut. Found an outfit. It’s looking up. And sounding better, too.

ENTER FUNGUS in the mouth due to the meds to control the asthma. Called doc, spent hundreds more on meds, sang from rooftop with hunky, earth-friendly side-kick. It was great. A few days later, Fungus spreads from tongue and just between the tonsils to way down the throat, into the ears, and up the nose. Now I don’t know about you, but even to read that, it just sounds gross. Let me just tell you, IT IS GROSS. And painful – like from time to time, my tongue feels like it could split open at any given moment; the roof of my mouth and my throat feels like it has a shag carpet. And it’s energy-depleting because to live that fungus apparently is sucking the life out of me; I’m a bit sleepy as a result. Did I mention, it’s completely gross? I won’t go into the nose part. I can’t bear to write about it.

Think it can’t get worse? ENTER VIRUS IN THE EYES. Yep, plural. I know. Ick. The up-shot is I had a lovely visit with Dr. Julie Gannon, who I think is so fantastic should you be in the market for an eye doc (Callahan Eye Foundation Hospital, Callahan’s practice). This is unrelated to the fungus, but may be related to the nose spray. I have stopped asking questions at this juncture. I’m not wearing contacts “for a long time” and no eye make up for a little while. Sigh. But a diva must go on.

ENTER FEVER and I COULDN’T MOVE MY HEAD without excruciating pain (due to the fungus). That was yesterday. If any of you saw me at the ballpark at the early t-ball game, now you know why I looked like a Hag. I was more than happy to operate the sound system and scoreboard. Hags like to hide.

OHMIGOSH I FORGOT this in the original posting. This morning, due to one of the meds making me feel dizzy, I conked my head on the shelf while putting clothes in the washing machine, so now I have a whelp on my forehead. Poodle, the glamour is overwhelming me.

Why am I telling you all of this? To make you feel better about yourself, Cupcake! You couldn’t POSSIBLY look as bad as I do. Hey, your tongue is probably pink. Mine isn’t. But the thing is, Poodle, even with this mess – it’s just funny. It’s annoying, but it isn’t the end of the world. It's just going to take some time to turn this boat around.

So what am I going to do about it?
Well, I’ve given up on working on my head – I’ve got professionals tending to specific areas of that. I went to Jennifer (yep, another one), Whittaker, Massage Therapist (223-0748 or Linda Patterson at the same office) and got pummeled. My neck has loosened up some. I can move it.

Personally, I’m starting with my feet. I gave myself a pedicure with bright pink polish this morning. Tomorrow, I plan to go shoe-shopping after the boys’ ball games. Shoes just make me happy.

The bonus? In shoe stores, all the mirrors are on the floor!

Diva Wine Know needs a contact

Our Diva of Libations, Diva Wine Know's Mom is moving from Jemison to Homewood. She is looking for someone that will price, tag & sell all her stuff in a yard sale for a percentage. If you know of anyone who does that, would you contact Jennifer (a.k.a. Diva Wine Know of The Wine Cellar in Vestavia Hills near Publix - like that plug???) at vwinecellar@bellsouth.net Many thanks.

Main Dish To Sing From Roof-Top

You know, there are some things on your List (of stuff to do before you buy the farm) and you're really not certain that you'll get to do them 'cause they're so outrageous. Silence, Petunia? What?!!! Tell me you have outrageous things that you want to do before your number's called. Oh. COME. ON. SURE YOU DO!!!!

Well, think on that while you read and then post your answer to the comment section, m'kay (keep it clean; I aim to keep my PG rating).

So, singing from the rooftop is one of those things that people talk about and I've often wondered, "Hey, does anybody really ever do that?" And thought, " if no one does, then perhaps I should look into doing it". But well, let's face it the ... sheer danger .... kept me from really pursuing it. The logistics were sort of a sticking point, too - like how do you get a sound system on a roof and mike up? In heels? Would people call the police?

Wonder no more, Poodle-Pop. This Saturday afternoon, The Main Dish takes to the rooftop to perform a musical set on 18th Street in Homewood, just down from the end of 280 (or is it the beginning?) near Dorothy McDaniel Flower Shop. On several little numbers, I'll be joined by the dashing, hunky, and totally talented Mark Rubino, who is the one who got me in this mess in the first place -- err, I mean: he's the one who is making my roof-top chanteuse dreams come true.

We rehearsed up there this morning and I learned a couple of things:
~ The pollen is definitely getting worse
~ I'm going to need a lot of hair spray
~ Subsequently, I need to bring chap stick for the luscious lips to stay hydrated about 3 stories in the air
~ I'm considering using a beauty queen technique - Vaseline the teeth so the perma-smile stays on; an added bonus is that the inner upper lip doesn't get dry while singing (in case you haven't noticed, it's kinda' windy up there)
~ There is a Mediterranean tree (tall, skinny, spruce variety) planted in Homewood (totally out of place) that's like 2 stories tall and 12 inches wide - it's really weird
~ The guy two doors down is working on his car
~ Scott Walton is indeed not just receding, but balding on the top (he's much taller than I and has lamented about it to me for about 2 years now, but I couldn't see it for myself until today - so sorry, Scott; commiserate with the Main Squeeze if necessary).
~ The crowd should be liquored up by late afternoon, right?

So, I encourage you, Poodle, to embrace an Outrageous Item on your List. It may be easier to accomplish than you think - I always envisioned a steep, pitched roof; this one is totally flat with a stair case leading to it and the always-handy pulley system to vertically transport items such as sound systems. SURPRISE! It's do-able.

So, what's your Outrageous Item???? (again, PG rating, please)

Guest Diva- Staging Your House to Sell

Guest Diva, Designer and professional Stager, Jill Boothby dishes about Staging Your Home (‘cause you know that spring is the best time to list your house). Tasty morsels, these, so take notes, Pumpkin!

Do you want to sell your home as quickly as possible? For the highest possible amount? The way you live in your home and the way you market and sell your house are two different things. When you place your house on the market, you want to create immediate buyer interest in the property….the ideal staging result is to have the potential buyer “envision” themselves living in the new home. Home staging is proven to be among the very best ways to get top dollar for you home. Here are some starters:
Inside
~ Clear the surfaces from furniture. Home stagers recommend groupings of a few items for decorative purposes only.
~ In the kitchen, take all the stuff off the fridge and clean off the counters limiting them to only what is necessary. A sparse kitchen helps the buyer imagine their items in the space.
~In the bathrooms, remove everything from the counter tops. Towels should be fresh and new looking and grouped with ribbon, rolled, or arranged in a pleasant manner. Make it look like a retreat or spa – that sells houses.
~ Clean all windows. Paint or patch walls. Clean carpets and drapes.
Outside
~ Pick up scraps, toys, garbage cans. Plant flowers. Mulch planted areas.
~ Check gutters for moss, dry rot, leaves – clean them if necessary. If leaves are on your roof, remove them.
~ Prune all bushes – if you can’t see the house, it won’t sell

Sound overwhelming? Want to learn more? Consider a professional staging service. Having your home staged to sell by staging experts is NOT a luxury in a slower sales market. As the market changes and homes begin to “sit on the market” homeowners are in need of a competitive edge to get their homes SOLD – so staging is critical!

Jill’s business is Setting the Stage (Jill and her team are pictured below- tell me these divas can't make your house look AMAZING; just look at those hot divas!), a specially appointed staging service that comes into your home and helps you set the scene to entice buyers …these services help you and your listing agent realize a quick sale at maximum value. Setting the Stage is an accredited ASP Stager team that uses strict guidelines using proven techniques. We view your home with an objective eye and will produce a detailed plan for staging your home. Our team handles many details that you may not think of during such a busy time- presentation packaging, organizational skills, decorating talents, and creative ideas to make the process as easy as possible!

Contact Jill and receive a free consultation when you mention seeing her posting on this blog! (205) 305-9546 or jboothby@boothbyrealty.com A little treat, you special, deserving creature!

Red Dirt vs. White Baseball Pants

Thank you , Tipsy Diva for your in-depth question. I'm devoting a front posting page to the timely topic of How to Get Red Clay Out of White Baseball Pants.

Now, first, I ask who in their right mind decides a t-ball, machine pitch, or any other team for that matter where falling or sliding or sheer boredom are involved would decide players should wear white pants? They're just crazy ... that, or the decision-maker on this is NOT the same one who does the household laundry. Homicide rates are down, but let's monitor that statisic over baseball season, m'kay?

If you think all's ya' gotta' do is add bleach to the load ... I say, this is evidently your first season. Strangely, bleach just doesn't cut it.

If you'd a' asked me last year, I'd swoon about OxiClean and how it does a fine job. It's not bad, but I have asthma and that powder/dust burns the heck out of my nose and throat and makes me cough. IF you happen to have OxiClean, you can apply essentially the same technique until you run out of the stuff and it will be OK.

I recently discovered ZOUT. [Insert church organ music here.] Oh ... My ... God... It's just beyond fantastic. Here's what got white All-Star pants clean finally - they'd been my frustration cause since July. Through several OxiClean treatments, bleach, Awesome (from the Dollar Store - good stuff, but not for red clay), and crazier combinations than I care to admit just to TRY to get SOME of the red out. Enter ZOUT, the laundry product that may change my life.

1. As I've said: Get you some ZOUT immediately, Girl.
2. Spray the offending, ground-in, stubborn red clay areas.
3. Leave it alone in the sink for a while. Like, run to Diva WineKnow's store (The Wine Cellar, Vestavia), get a case of wine, and dive into it.
4. Remember that you have baseball pants in your sink that need to be removed sometime before you cook next.
5. Fill the sink with tepid water. Squirt some ZOUT in the filling sink for good measure.
6. Resume interest in wine
7. When your arms feel nice and floppy, get a fabric scrub brush (you can get these at the grocery), drain water out, leaving about 1/4" in the sink.
8. Scrub that sucker/those suckers (ever notice how there's not just one spot on the pants? They come with friends.)
9. Keep wine within easy reach because this is going to take a while and you just don't want to get parched, Poodle!
10. You are going to have to drain the 1/4" now-brown water out multiple times before you're done with all the scrubbing.
11. When you get out as much clayas you can, transport pants immediately to the washing machine, start the machine with detergent, and allow machine to fill up - but employ the soaking method.
12. Find your bottle of wine.
13. Add copious amounts of bleach (like more than they recommend) to the soaking and allow pants to marinate for a good long while
14. Complete the machine cycle ... and very possibly the bottle of wine.
15. Do NOT put the pants in the dryer unless you are completely satisfied with lack of stain - 'cause heat sets stains.

I was amazed by the glowing whiteness that was the baseball pants. Thank you, ZOUT!!! I may make it through laundry cycles this baseball season.