Strategic Make Up Tips

I wish I had a quarter for every time someone calls me up and starts a conversation with, "Since you're The Diva, I just know you will have the answer to my dilemma." Oh, the pressure. This happens more than once a week. Not counting the emails, either.

So, tonight, I was home cleaning up home-made pizza splatter when a dear friend calls with that opening. Seems a friend (and in this case, I know it's not her disguising herself as a "friend") is going through a divorce, had a wild evening last night, and the fellow she was with insisted upon leaving his ... ahem ... mark ... er ... make that plural ... on her neck. She wears some type of uniform to work, so the scarf in July is completely out of the question. She needs on-the-spot solution, so to speak.

Frighteningly, I did not miss a beat. I did know just what to say. Now, on the off-chance my mother is reading this, I for the record haven't had this affliction since college. Personally, I find it tacky, but nobody asked me.

Anywho, the primary concern is to determine the color. She said it was purple. I had to again scientifically clarify: red-purple or blue-purple? There is a HUGE difference. In this case, it was red-purple. (NOTE: The victim is caucasian with very fair skin)

Once the coloration is determined, hie thee prontissimo to the nearest CVS to the Physician's Formula make-up section. Other brands may do, but I have it on great authority for the price, this stuff can't be beat. You will purchase 2-3 products.
1. The great and wonderful green cover-up. That totally tones down the red. Of course, there's another step, cause you just can't go out with green splotches - that's as bad as the root of the problem.
2. The double-sided yellow (one side)/beige (other side) liquid concealer that conveniently sometimes comes in one package wherein the double-sided wand screws (cough, cough) into each color. Do you get the visual? Sometimes these must be purchased individually due to stocking issues. The beige is good to cover the green.
SIDE NOTE: This make-up one-two punch also works wonders on blemishes.
SHOULD your problem be the blue-purple persuasion, skip the green stuff and go straight for the yellow concealer and glop it on, girl.
3. Liquid foundation (if you don't have any already).

Scurry home and see if this works. If so, you're good to go. If not, hop back in your car and find stage make-up ... specifically foundation in a stick if at all possible. Mine is the width of a quarter at the opening. This stuff is THICK and will cover anything, especially on top of the green stuff followed by concealer. While it makes me break out if I wear it too long, I think in this particular case, a break out wouldn't be so bad, n'est pas?!

One of my Latina-heritage cha-cha divas advises me that someone in this predicament should also spread the skin apart with fingers as tautly as possible, take a quarter and apply it to the devastated area, "much like rubbing butter on toast, only much, much harder". This, according to ella, makes the broken blood vessels and blood scurry from whence it came. Ella cautions that this will REALLY HURT. Follow immediately with lots of ice applied to the area, Poodle. (Can you just skip the rubbing part and go straight to the ice??? I wonder.)

I would la-la-love to hear your suggestions, Princess, so do comment by tapping the "comments" below to the right and pouring your heart out. It could help a diva in distress. You know, for the good of the group and all .... TOODLES!!!!

Next Party? MARDI GRAS!!!!

Now that I've eaten all those tres delish appetizer foods required at Super Bowl parties, I'm on a "rouller" and eagerly anticipate Fat Tuesday tomorrow. In case you don't know, it's the day that you stuff yourself silly with food and libations before you renew your "what I'm not going to eat/drink" New Year's resolutions and hit Ash Wednesday, the reflective and serious time in the liturgical calendar a.k.a. Lent.

Mardi Gras is technically just ONE DAY (thank GOD!!! Our collective livers couldn't handle it otherwise), not all the days and weeks between January 6th and Fat Tuesday - a common misconception. This time frame is called "Carnival" and is not only celebrated in New Orleans, Mobile, Houston, and other Gulf Coast cities of French Canadian ancestry, but also in Rio, Venice, throuough the Carribean, and Latin America. Almost a global party (OK, primarily limited to heavily Catholic populated countries). But the culmination is tomorrow, Fat Tuesday.

Here's how to get festive for the 10th annual party at Saucy Diva's house or whatever Mardi Gras party you're attending:

~ The colors are green (faith), gold (power) and purple (justice). Bright and blingy is what you're going for, Poodle.

~ Costumes are encouraged, but not a have-to. Don't leave home, though, without a boa or mask, though it's all about the beads - lots and lots of beads. You can pick up these lovely, cheap accessories at Party City.

~ The music of the evening is either zydeco or New Orleans brass jazz band

~ Want a festive adult libation to get you in the mood to wear that mask all night? Try a hurricane (3/4 oz. Bacardi Limon rum,1 oz. Bacardi light rum,1/4 oz. Bacardi 151 rum, pineapple juice, orange juice, grenadine, sweet & sour mix; to make nonalcoholic use ginger ale or Sprite). Ah, I'm waxing nostolgic about Pat O'Brien's .... Snapping out of it.

~ What's a party-going diva/dude to eat? It is important to have something (preferably A LOT) in your stomach to help absorb all that alcohol. Fill your plate with dirty rice, crawfish etouffe, gumbo, jumbalaya, shrimp creole, or even just good ole' fried chicken. For dessert, it's king cake and Moon Pies. Not so great for that waistline, huh Princess? Party today, repent later, I always say.

I'm off to find my boa, confirm the babysitter, and grab a snooze in preparation for tomorrow's festivities. XOXO

What's a Party Girl to do?

Can you believe all the social things out there right now? Who was it who said that the Christmas season is the busiest? Lordy. I can't catch my breath, but that's another story entirely. Here's a brief run-down in quasi-order:
~ Thursday marks the Western start to the Chinese New Year. It's the year of the Rat and will be year 4076, in case you were wondering where in the hell we were now. Ok, the Year of the Rat embodies hard work, lots of activity, and renewal. The Chinese insist it is a great year to begin a new job, get married, launch a product, or make a fresh start. If your calendar won't allow you a Thursday night Chinese soiree, not to worry, my little Peking Dumpling! It's sort of like Kwanzaa ... er ... kinda' ... in that it goes on for many days (15 to be exact); it's called the Lantern Festival and each night has a theme - and we do love a good theme, n'est pas?! The food you eat each night has significance. Some nights you're supposed to be with extended family; other nights, you get a break. Anyway, red's the color to wear for this fete. Decorate your doorway, give away lucky coins, and hang lanterns should the spirit move you.

~ Sunday, of course, is the superbowl. Eat lots of salty, unhealthy food and you're in like Flynn. If you barbeque something, more power to you. For you divas who aren't into sports, here are the basics to understand before leaving for that "football party thingy": The New York Giants are playing the New England Patriots. Of course, the game is held this year in Arizona. Bonus points, Cookie, if you can talk at length about the stadium, its purpose, AND the regional nature of this particular match-up with supposedly the largest TV viewing audience potential impact despite the game not being played anywhere near either team's hometowns. Wear whatever you want, though red, white, and blue will pretty much cover either team. Drink loads of beer. Go to work Monday morning still drunk. Visit www.espn.com before talking to any Dude prior to, during, or after the game if you haven't been following this season, the Brett Favre heartbreak, the Little Brother going to the Big Game and Big Brother staying home (so to speak) -- just to name a few of my favorite topics of conversation. GIRL TALK BREAK-DOWN of the SUPERBOWL: Tom Brady is that hunky quarterback that broke up with Bridgett Monihan (sp?) right before the baby info was known in order to date the supermodel, but is making attempts, despite a demanding football career and schedule to be an on-the-scene dad. He plays for New England. Eli Manning is the Giants' quarterback. He played football for Ole Miss (as did his dad, I believe - hey, it was before my time, so gimme a break!). His brother, Peyton, is the QB for the Indianapolis Colts - but forget him for right now; they lost a heartbreaker a few weeks ago. Peyton played for Tennessee undergrad. Anyway, the Manning family men have strange looking noses, which does not seem to interfere with their football ability whatsoever. OK. Moving along ....

~ Mardi Gras is in full "rouller". I will have to do a post just on this. I'm sensing non-sports-minded-potential-diva-overwhelm at this juncture. I'll be gentle, Precious Princess, and let you digest this before moving on to the party that requires two languages, beer goggles, floats, and insane amounts of accessories - er, or not.

XOXO!

Christmas Copying

To quote my 5 year old, I'm poofed! My dad had a quadruple bypass last week and I cooked for and hostessed a Christmas soiree to end all for the Main Squeeze within the last week. I can't feasibly get anything else in my garage (car? HA!). The laundry is somewhere in one of my storage rooms and the 5 year old is out of underwear. SO, I'm going to post a quick little entertainment that I got from a Diva on email to tide you over until my head's above water (and hopefully the decongestants kick in and don't make me sleepy!). Here are your Christmas Party Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy . Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it.
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. They're just God-awful. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

For Turkey, Will Travel?

If you are a guest, here’s how to get invited back and not stuck being the host next year:

~ Arrive no earlier than the time the host has announced and no later than half an hour after the time.
~ Stay about an hour after dinner unless travel plans or sleepy children necessitate leaving earlier.
~ Bring a gift plus a bottle of wine if you're not bringing a dish or two
~ Offer to help set up for dinner and to clean afterward
~ Notify the host of any special dietary needs IN ADVANCE -- if you are a vegetarian, diabetic, or allergic to common foods. Better yet, bring a special dish yourself.
~ If you're going to a potluck Thanksgiving, bring a serving dish with your contribution. Take a page from my supper club and prepare it at home and bring any serving pieces necessary.

Write a thank you note. These people are completely exhausted after catering to you, so the least you can do is thank them in writing. Wouldn't your Mama be proud?! You know it's the right thing to do anyway.

Bon Appetit!

Dishin’ Turkey with Marjorie, The Main Dish

The big cooking day is one week away, so I'm at your service serving up tips just for you, my little Giblet! Let us give thanks that Thanksgiving is a one day feast – and won’t drag on for days like the original one did.

One Ground Rule: If you’re one of those folks who believe it’s just not Thanksgiving without Great Aunt Lulu’s famous hooch dressing and you’re going to be ticked if the idiot your brother married doesn’t include it again this year. Here's how to avoid your utter disappointment:
1) Make it yourself
2) Let the hostess know you’re bringing it (If you're not making the beloved dish yourself, proceed directly to the next step)
3) SHUT UP!

Keep focused: Thanksgiving is about families, working yourself to death, worrying in advance about other people’s behavior, and eating yourself silly.

If you are the host/ess, here are tips to keep your head above the dish-water:
~ Whenever anyone offers to help or bring a dish, say, "I’d love for you to! What do you have in mind?" If they need prodding, suggest staples like sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, vegetables, wine, or … my favorite, squash soup. WAIT! What am I thinking? Wine IS my favorite. Though, I do love squash soup.
~ Use hollowed bread loaves for serving cheese or dips. Save your serving pieces and spare the dishwasher.
~ Before the guests arrive, sit in each chair to make sure each guest won’t whack others with elbows, or constantly kick the person across from them.
~ Include favorite kids' foods, especially those they can eat by hand (you know that louse your sister married is only a giant kid anyway!)
~ Plan at least one low-calorie dish and consider a vegetarian option.
~ Before dessert, clear the table, and fill the sink with soapy water so stuff can soak
~ When creating your shopping list, don’t forget candles, flowers, and be sure to pick up club soda for immediate spot removal
~ Save food containers and grocery bags for packing up leftovers and handing them out to guests on their way out.
~ Bake desserts and side dishes that can be refrigerated and confirm deliveries from food services or caterers.
~ Create a timetable for the cooking that has to be done on Thanksgiving Day so everything will be ready at mealtime.
~ Don't forget breakfast on Thanksgiving morning. Cereal, frozen waffles, or fruit are low-prep ideas. Heck, if you’re cooking the big meal, send a caravan-load of folks to IHOP or Mickey D’s for Pete’s sake! Don’t make any more work for yourself. It also gets that rowdy kid out of your house and you get a moment's peace.

Off to stick my head in the oven. Toodles!

Crockin' Out

My, my! This topic is certainly heating up, Kitten!

I simply must tell you before I launch ahead that at this very moment, the Chicken Artichoke dish 2 posts ago is cooking downstairs - it's been much too long since I enjoyed it. Since posting the recipe, I can't get it off my mind, so might as well cook it and force it down the boys' throats for dinner just for sport. Oh, and I'm simultaneously cooking 2 batches of Fabulous Brownies (Food for Thought, Jr. League cookbook) for The Market. I feel so efficient! And I'm completely hopeful that these wonderful simmering concoctions will fill my home with a lovely aroma ... that will cover up the chili I burned to smithereens on Friday which stank up my entire abode just 2 days before a 5 year old birthday party. For the record, I haven't burned supper ever, so I'm over-due.

At the par-tay, I served a shrimp dip that is so easy and delicious, that it would be a domestic crime for me not to share it. AND you can prepare it in your crock pot (LOOK! I've finally arrived back on topic).

1 can cream of shrimp soup
8 oz cream cheese (reduced fat, of course!)
couple splashes of Worcestershire sauce

On the stove: Cut up the cream cheese into cubes. Dump in cream of shrimp soup. Splash in Worcestershire sauce to taste. Stir. Melt. Stir some more. Serve. Refresh your container every 3o minutes or so to ensure warmth of dip for your invitees' palates.

In the crock pot: same directions, just set the pot on low and give it 2 hours to get to the consistency of dip.

I doubled the recipe. I had about 40 people at the back yard soiree and have left-overs (I'm going to put it on loaded baked potatoes tomorrow night for supper). Kids and grown ups loved it. I served it with Tostitos. Slice green onions or add chopped cilantro on the top if you want to add color. I didn't think the kiddies would go for that "suspicious green stuff", so I skipped it this time.

Oh! There goes the oven timer. Toodles!

Crack-pot Crock-pot Rapid Response

Please note the survey to the left and participate. Saucy Diva is dying for cold hard numbers.

This is my crock pot. Isn't it ugly??? It's the only thing I own that sports a country style theme. My dearly departed grandmother gave it to me when I was in college. I'd never heard of crock pots before that. I didn't even use it until I was 35 and had moved it approximately 6 times before plugging it in. My favorite things to cook in the crock pot these days:

Artichoke Chicken & Pasta that serves 4-6:
1 ½ lbs boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 8 oz. package fresh, sliced mushrooms (always a time-saver to buy the sliced variety!)
2 6-oz. jars marinated artichoke hearts, drained
1 tbsp. minced garlic (another time-saver is to buy the jar of minced garlic)
¼ C. white wine (I generally am a bit liberal with this measurement!)
1 tsp. black pepper
1 sprig each of fresh basil, oregano, and rosemary (if you don’t grow them in your yard, use a pinch of each from your spice collection)
Angel Hair Pasta or Spaghetti

Combine all ingredients except pasta in the crock pot. Cook on low for 6-8 hours. Cook pasta. Put pasta in bowls and ladle the contents over it. It comes out looking like a pasta dish with sauce. Even my kids like to eat this!

You can have instant Mexican Night when you walk in the door compliments of your crock pot with Beef Tortillas (and the kids love this, too!)
1 lb. ground beef
1 (10 oz) can of Italian tomato soup
Pinch of basil
1 C. your favorite chunky salsa
¼ C. milk
6 tortillas
1 C. shredded Cheddar cheese

In advance, brown your ground beef in a skillet. Then place cooked beef in slow cooker. Combine soup, basil, and salsa. Cook on low for 6-8 hours. During last hour of cooking time, stir in milk. Spoon mixture into tortillas; add cheese (or other favorite garnishes) just before serving.

Just last night, Diva Ann emailed me asking, "Diva Marjorie, What is a good recipe for a cold night drink to warm your insides, please? Ann" I emailed her back a quick stop-gap solution. Should you want to share with others, here’s a tasty toddy to raise your crock pot spirits --

Sweet Hot Buttered Rum (you know I do love a festive adult beverage):
2 C. brown sugar
2 C. confectioner’s sugar
½ C. butter
Pinch of salt
3 sticks cinnamon
4 cloves
1 ½ quarts water
4 C apple juice
Cook for 5 hours on low (with the cover on, silly!).
Then, stir in 2 cups rum (I prefer dark, but suit yourself) or rum extract.
Ladle into mugs (with this quantity, Pumpkin, consider sharing). Garnish with whipped cream or a scoop of Vanilla Ice Cream and a sprinkling of nutmeg.

Bottoms up!

Get Cracking with Crock Pot Cooking

QUICK!! Everybody, catch your collective breaths. Halloween is over and your schedule is all of a sudden in full swing. Your mailbox is stuffed with catalogs and the start of the fall party season is about to hit you in the face. Without any planning, in no time, you’ll be flailing your arms helplessly due to overwhelm … not to mention the guilt of not being able to put a healthy, warm, home-cooked meal in front of your hungry brood on a chili night (I can do this; it's my blog).

Before those forks turn into pitchforks, quick! Pull out your crock pot (a.k.a. slow cooker) and get ready to whisk those guilt-inspired frozen dinners back into the freezer section!

Princess, I’m all about grills and slow cookers. Why? Simple: Fewer pots and pans to wash and faster clean up. This time of year, you need to get time on your side as much as possible. Enter slow cooker!

Advantages of slow cooking:
~ The long cooking time brings out the flavors.
~ The lower temperatures lessen the chance of food sticking to the bottom (less mess)
~ You can use inexpensive or tough meats, like chuck roasts or stew beef because the meat is tenderized with the long cook time.
~ It frees your oven and stove top for other uses. Don’t forget that for your next large party or the just-around-the-corner holiday meal.
~ Convenience! A slow cooker can usually be left to do its thing all day without any competent adult supervision.

Basic Tips for Slow Cooking:
~ Buy roasts and other large cuts of meat that will fit in your crock pot, or plan to trim them to fit.
~ Root vegetables, such as potatoes, carrots, and onions, should be placed in the bottom of the pot, under the meat -- they tend to cook more slowly than meat.
~ Colors tend to fade in slow cooked foods, but a garnish such as chopped fresh parsley, chives, tomatoes, red peppers, cheese, or sour cream can add visual appeal.
~ Fill the crock pot no more than 2/3 full
~ Dairy products usually don’t do well in crock pots – the milk curdles. You get the pictorial. You can add sour cream, for example, the last hour or two of cooking. Ditto fish and seafood.
~ Don’t peek! If you open the top while cooking, add 20-30 more minutes to the cooking time! That sets a girl back, n’est pas?!

Off to check the Diva Deep Freeze to see what's in there so I can plan the next crock pot feast. Will report back shortly.

Raise a glass

In keeping with the Adult Beverage theme set by Attorney Diva yesterday, AND in showcasing my timely topic ability, we are going to celebrate National Rum Punch Day in style! I know! Try to keep the outbursts and squeals to a minimum so everyone can hear, please Kitten!

As a beautifully aging party girl AND a two-time visitor to the Bacardi Factory, I consider myself at the very least "well-informed" on this subject, especially after the last trip when I made pals with employee in Guest Relations, Jesus (not THE J.C.; it's pronounced "hey-Zeus", like the pagan god). Anyway, after learning about his extended stay in the Boston area and plans to return to Washington, DC, he imparted amazing morsels of info about what to put in rum drinks.

First of all, you gotta' know your rums. He said that there's Bacardi and then there's every other rum. Start with a good quality rum. Light rums are generally combined with fruity drinks. Divas dig fruity drinks such as ....

Marjorie's Rum Punch
Splash of lemon juice
2C light rum
2 Liters ginger ale
1 qt. fruit juice
1 qt. pineapple juice

Instructions?? Well, mix it together and serve over ice, silly! Garnish with seasonal fruit - because you know rum drinks were perfected in the tropical areas. I'll drink to that any day of the week!

The other Bacardi-Jesus tip that I have incorporated immediately in entertaining was to purchase the frozen Bacardi Mojito mix (grocer's freezer) and follow the instructions EXCEPT substitute Sprite for the club soda ingredient. I also use mint from my garden. Rave reviews are promised. If not, let me come over and help you get rid of your mojito left-overs, m'K?!

Anticipatin' Tailgatin'

If there’s a song in the air, it’s probably a fight song. Touchdowns ... marching bands ... tail gate food.

It’s not quite 9 a.m. , but I’m already thinking about this weekend’s tailgate party. Thick, juicy burgers. Baked beans. GrandMartha’s potato salad. Mmm. Are you sensing the sizzle?

Not going to a game? Tackle your cravings and throw a tail gaiting party in the comfort of your own home. Actual tail gate is optional.

Here’re your Game Day Tailgate Party Tips:
#1 Chill Out
If you don’t have an enormous ice chest and don’t want to buy one of those trendy $100 beverage containers, Ice down a cheap, clean plastic kiddie wading pool and keep your cold drinks there all day. It takes a lot of ice, but it’s totally worth it since it saves you on re-stocking during the party.

#2 Get Fired Up
Ignite your grill at the right time depending on what kind you have. Light your charcoal a few hours before your home tailgate party starts. That way you’re sure it’s ready when guests arrive. With a gas grill, heat it up and start cooking before your guests arrive, but not too soon – avoid having cold food. Remember that a great host is never trapped behind the grill or in the kitchen – Party with your peeps.

#3 Veg Out
Don’t forget our veggie-lovin' friends. Throw on some fruits and vegetables or even shrimp on the grill.

#4 Set the Pace
Before your party, pick up the Next Hot Trend in Tail Gate Accessories – Weekend Waterford- they’re Styrofoam cups with “Redneck Stemware”, or “S.L.U.T.S.” (Southern Lady Under Tremendous Stress) emblazoned on them. No one’s going to forget that detail. Start your search for them at one of my favorite desirable diva stores, www.harmonylanding.com

#5 Go for the Extra Point
For the big game, make sure that your guests never miss a minute. Put a small TV in the bathroom, connect one near the grill, or in the kitchen. No hook-up in parts of your party pad? Have radios tuned in to the big game.

#6 Marinate in Your Victory
A hostess loves being on the receiving end of cheers. Win your guests over by not only your divine hospitality and festive flair, but also with your food choices. Not a chef? No time?

• Catering - always good It’s saved me panic on more than one occasion. Your menu could be the sensational offerings of a pig’s butt or chicken’s fingers.
• Another no-hassle party food fave is kabobs. Mmm. Food on a stick.
  
• Check out the frozen food section at wholesale clubs. My in-laws always serve great food at their parties and most times the food is compliments of Chef Sam de la Club.

No matter what you serve, have plenty of foods and snacks at your party. Stock up on food that doesn't go bad like chips and dip. Or sodas, or beer, or wine, or peanuts, or … well, you get the picture. Lots of party food has amazing shelf-life and can sit happily in your pantry until the next soiree. Regardless of what you serve, make sure you keep your cold foods cold and hot foods hot.

Oh! One more grill tip. Always use tongs to turn meat on a grill. Forks pierce holes in it and allow juice to escape.

A final note. You don’t have to limit your tailgate party to football. It’s also festive for racing events or the World Series! But not so much for say, golf or ice skating.