Strategic Make Up Tips

I wish I had a quarter for every time someone calls me up and starts a conversation with, "Since you're The Diva, I just know you will have the answer to my dilemma." Oh, the pressure. This happens more than once a week. Not counting the emails, either.

So, tonight, I was home cleaning up home-made pizza splatter when a dear friend calls with that opening. Seems a friend (and in this case, I know it's not her disguising herself as a "friend") is going through a divorce, had a wild evening last night, and the fellow she was with insisted upon leaving his ... ahem ... mark ... er ... make that plural ... on her neck. She wears some type of uniform to work, so the scarf in July is completely out of the question. She needs on-the-spot solution, so to speak.

Frighteningly, I did not miss a beat. I did know just what to say. Now, on the off-chance my mother is reading this, I for the record haven't had this affliction since college. Personally, I find it tacky, but nobody asked me.

Anywho, the primary concern is to determine the color. She said it was purple. I had to again scientifically clarify: red-purple or blue-purple? There is a HUGE difference. In this case, it was red-purple. (NOTE: The victim is caucasian with very fair skin)

Once the coloration is determined, hie thee prontissimo to the nearest CVS to the Physician's Formula make-up section. Other brands may do, but I have it on great authority for the price, this stuff can't be beat. You will purchase 2-3 products.
1. The great and wonderful green cover-up. That totally tones down the red. Of course, there's another step, cause you just can't go out with green splotches - that's as bad as the root of the problem.
2. The double-sided yellow (one side)/beige (other side) liquid concealer that conveniently sometimes comes in one package wherein the double-sided wand screws (cough, cough) into each color. Do you get the visual? Sometimes these must be purchased individually due to stocking issues. The beige is good to cover the green.
SIDE NOTE: This make-up one-two punch also works wonders on blemishes.
SHOULD your problem be the blue-purple persuasion, skip the green stuff and go straight for the yellow concealer and glop it on, girl.
3. Liquid foundation (if you don't have any already).

Scurry home and see if this works. If so, you're good to go. If not, hop back in your car and find stage make-up ... specifically foundation in a stick if at all possible. Mine is the width of a quarter at the opening. This stuff is THICK and will cover anything, especially on top of the green stuff followed by concealer. While it makes me break out if I wear it too long, I think in this particular case, a break out wouldn't be so bad, n'est pas?!

One of my Latina-heritage cha-cha divas advises me that someone in this predicament should also spread the skin apart with fingers as tautly as possible, take a quarter and apply it to the devastated area, "much like rubbing butter on toast, only much, much harder". This, according to ella, makes the broken blood vessels and blood scurry from whence it came. Ella cautions that this will REALLY HURT. Follow immediately with lots of ice applied to the area, Poodle. (Can you just skip the rubbing part and go straight to the ice??? I wonder.)

I would la-la-love to hear your suggestions, Princess, so do comment by tapping the "comments" below to the right and pouring your heart out. It could help a diva in distress. You know, for the good of the group and all .... TOODLES!!!!