Vampires and Homicidal Maids

Do you ever get the feeling that there's something sinister in the air??? People conspiring against you??? Is it getting close to Halloween and folks taking it a wee bit too seriously? I offer the following true, scary story ...

The professional cleaning service who "cleans" my house is trying to kill yours truly -- a good, paying customer for many years. ME!!! I work out of my house. Been doing so for the last 15 years. Anyway, yesterday morning during the routine cleaning unbeknownst to moi, the cleaning team put a toxic concoction in all of the toilets. I did hear a sizzling sound throughout the day, but assumed it was due to the fantastic purple and silver scarf wrap I was wearing over my all-black outfit. It did look good. My shoes ... Oh, sorry. Right. Posting. I'm back. So, I was here working ALL DAY breathing POISON. If I didn’t before, I have some kind of breathing problem now – I can barely catch my breath and the stuff dripping in my throat is like slime from New Jersey. The headache I had last night was beyond horrendous. Imagine my surprise when my doorbell rang this morning. The cleaning service showed up unannounced at 9 a.m. after I complained. I'm starting to think that they were checking to see if they'd done me in yet or if they needed to try again.

I was home when the homicidal cleaners showed up BECAUSE my 4 year old BIT my 6 year old approximately 5 seconds before we HAD to walk out the door. I'm talking punctured and bruised skin kind of bite. LORD! Anyway, I had to punish the biter and the bitee had to be at school. Yeah. Fun morning.

Whaddya think, Kitten? Can I blame the biting behavior on the sinister toxic fumes pulsating through my home's ventilation system? Should I terminate the cleaning service before they terminate me? I'm leaning towards yes.