Driving School Report

I am compelled to start off by admitting that I had the wrong attitude about driving school. Not that I needed to be there for 4 hours, you understand. Not that I did anything to warrant being sent there by the court (unlike most of those freak-shows). If you're over the age of 25, it may behoove you to go to driving school, not just for the insurance discount, but they have changed/altered/updated many of the rules/laws/ways of doing things. Here are the Top Ten Things The Main Dish Learned in Driving School:

• Do NOT set your hands at 10 and 2 on the steering wheel for another minute, Poodle. When an airbag deploys and your hands are in those positions on the steering wheel, you break your left hand as it is smashed into the driver's window and you knock out your passenger as your right hand slams into their face - both at an incredible rate of speed.
• In cases of road rage, men are more likely to use their fists as a weapon; women use their cars as a weapon. If you're in a situation where you are the unsuspecting target of road rage, do not go home and do not go to work (or a place that's your usual destination) because nut-jobs can hold their road rage and show up hours and days later to release their anger. Yikes! Anyway, do not make eye contact, talk to, or use gestures at someone who has road rage. Take their tag number and call police.
• In 2005, there were 6,159,000 reported crashes nationwide. Of those, there were 43,443 fatalities. This was the only question I missed on the test - I rounded down to 43,000 and the test giver insisted that he wanted the answer rounded up to 44,000 (multiple choice question, both were choices - didn't argue with him more because Anger Management School isn't my style). Pissed me right on off, so I hopped in my car and used it as a weapon. Just kidding!
• Booster seats are required by laws in most places until a child is age 6, BUT my 6 year old, for example is too short to do without a booster seat. The way you determine if your kid can go without a booster is to fasten the seatbelt and check if the shoulder harness fits flat and snugly on the child's shoulder (some cars have adjustable shoulder straps). If it's touching the neck, it very easily can break a child's neck in the case of a crash. Child restraint decreases the chance of injury or death in a car crash by more than 71%.
• If you're about to be rear-ended at a stop light, do not look back (it can break your neck). Release your brake to let the car roll forward - it lessens the impact on all cars.
• The difference between going 55 miles per hour and 70 miles per hour on the interstate only saves you 4 minutes and 40 seconds on the average trip (which is 20 miles). Hmmm... Can that possibly be correct? (I'm pretty suspicious of the math skills of the instructor)
• Do not use cruise control during the rain due to increased probability of hydroplaning
• The white X-shape of Railroad crossing signs are called "Cross Bucks". Had no idea.
• You should signal at least 100 feet before turning (now, if I could only calculate that as I drive)
• Drivers between the ages of 16 and 20 years old make up the smallest number of drivers, but account for nearly 20% of traffic fatalities. Two-thirds of those are male.

The Main Squeeze was horrified to learn that drivers over the age of 54 are considered "older drivers" and have decreased reflexes and senses. I couldn't WAIT to get outta' there and tell him that.

Closing comment: Don't get pulled over. Even if you believe with all your heart you can get out of a ticket or fine, I'm just telling you, there's no way in hell you're getting out of being sent to Driving School - it's the big trend in traffic court these days. Trust me, everybody goes, despite acrylic nails and high heels and wearing what my attorney described as "a flattering outfit". Drive safely, Sweetie-pie! And don't drink and drive - it'd be a shame to spill your drink. Merlot stains the upholstery something terrible, Muffin.