This being one of those items I never will have on my To Do List, I had to take some time to ponder Dude’s question about popping the question (see previous post’s 2nd response). Prince Charming, I take it from the fact that you posted to the blog, brave soul, that you want to do something special for your princess.
The answer starts the same as several of my other pieces of advice: know your audience and take your cue from that. So, is she quiet/private or does she like a big show? The next question is all about you, Romeo: do you want to produce something memorable for the two of you to recount to the delight of others or do you want something private? The overriding idea is to make it special to you both, but the bottom line is that you do it in such a way that the only way she can answer is Yes!
Without having more information, I can’t really start rolling out helpful suggestions. So, what do you like to do together? Where have you traveled together? What’s special to you? With that kind of information, I’m pointed in a specific direction. Barring that, I assume you know her best friend. Yep, I’m punting to the “ask the best girlfriend for advice”. However, if you want to give the group more deets, I think we have some readers with delicious taste and boundless romantic inclinations who would be more than willing to weigh in.
How ‘bout it, Divas and Dudes?! Let’s help Prince Charming sweep his Princess off her feet … at least until her mother gets involved in the wedding planning extravaganza.
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5 comments:
Well, she's kinda' quiet, which is why I keep coming up with ideas that won't work - I'm more the show type. She'd die if I made a big production in front of a lot of people. But I do want to do something really neat to show her she's special ... and you're right, make sure she says yes. If I put too much information on here, I'm afraid she will guess it. This is one surprise I really don't want to spoil. Unlike other readers, I don't have your personal email, so I'm posting here (for your numbers, Queen Diva).
- Romeo at your mercy and at your service
So, when I proposed to my wife, I put the ring in a pair of shoes she had left at my apartment. When I went to meet her for dinner that night, I gave her back her shoes, which she had asked me to bring. I parked next to her, got out and handed her the shoes to put in her car. It was simple, a little silly, and since we were in the parking lot, not a big production. Seems to have worked, since we've been married for 10+ years and have three wonderful children!
Just so you won’t think I’m a total V-day downer, check this out…
Best,
Allen
http://www.ajc.com/news/content/living/stories/2008/02/12/choreplay0212.html
Want to get your woman in the mood? Try doing housework
By HELENA OLIVIERO
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 02/12/08
Every night after dinner, David Zinck scoops up his two young daughters and escapes into the "jam room" where they rock out to Rush or Queen.
Meanwhile, mommy gets 30 minutes of alone time.
Kerri K Photography
(ENLARGE)
Holly Zinck (holding three-year-old Emily) and David Zinck (holding 10-month old Claire).
Holly Zinck turns on the computer. She flips magazine pages. The clamor fades. Serenity creeps in.
And, behind that feeling, something else. Holly gets ...
... well, highly interested in David. Let's put it that way.
Forget crimson roses and chocolates.
Grab a broom. Unload the dishwasher. Play with the kids.
Now, that's hot. That's choreplay.
Parenting Magazine recently coined the term after its survey revealed 15 percent of moms said their idea of foreplay is their hubby doing chores.
"Flowers, candy, all that stuff — it's just an expense," said Holly Zinck, a working mom from Woodstock. "It's more important to take time off from working and doing things like spending the day as a family at Amicalola Falls ... Or when he draws a bath for me. That's romantic."
Traditional turn-ons can be common romantic gifts, such as champagne, chocolate or lingerie. Or something physical, a kiss, for example. But the unexpected gift of time – and that's what many choreplay examples amount to – can reveal a deeper connection. And that can be downright sexy.
"I call it the new romantic gesture," said Scott Haltzman, professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Brown University and author of the new book, "The Secrets of Happily Married Women." "Women are looking for something that gives them the message they've gone the extra mile and they've done something that matters to them. Being in the kitchen and emptying the dishwasher is a real clear signal you are fighting for her love."
It's not that women get turned on watching their sweethearts iron sheets, but they respond to being relieved of work and having time to relax.
And that down time helps switch gears.
But choreplay can also backfire if the deeds are calculated moves to get lucky. Many women are secretly resentful of the prospect of their husband pitching in around the house expecting something in return.
"If that's the case, he'd be better off with roses," said Jen Singer, editor of MommaSaid.net. "They act like there should be a parade down Broadway for making the bed. I hear from moms, 'Of course you should help, it's your underpants on the floor.'"
Still, Singer believes a well-intentioned husband who really makes an effort
will see his wife naturally become more amorous.
"The best present you've got is that person," said Tracey Cox, co-host of the former HBO show, "Sex Inspectors," and sex expert for iVillage. "You've got their dreams. And it would be more meaningful to skip the flowers and do something that would make her life easier. What would she really need? Is it a massage? Or is it a nap?"
And while she suggests husbands and wives avoid any bartering for sex, Cox urges couples who engage in a conversation about choreplay (ie. see those two loads of choreplay?) do it playfully.
"It's OK if you can have a sense of humor about it," she said. "Better yet, say what you really want."
On a recent Saturday, Singer's husband took the kids to get their hair cuts and then ran some errands.
Singer had the morning to herself. She read the newspaper and took a shower.
And that, she said, was very romantic.
Thanks for all the advice! I really appreciate Diva WineKnow's because I was leaning heavily on the ring in food idea but didn't think about the choking possibility. Why spend all that money to have it surgically removed? Good point. So, I opted for a version of a parking lot story - I told her I had something I wanted her to wear to dinner before we got to the door. It worked. Thanks from "Romeo" (your name, not mine).
I am SOOOOO Excited for you, Prince C! Yea to all the great advice from you delightful, avid readers. Keep us posted if we need to help with any wedding arrangement ... um ... advice needed as time progresses. Several have been there, done that.
Allen, I don't think you're a V-Day Downer. No more than moi: I left the state. For good reason. I had a conference to attend. Thanks for the article. The nap sounds like a great treat to dangle for any mom!!! And you don't have to be wantin' any for that to have pleasant results, 'cause you know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!!!!
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