My pal, Saucy Diva, has a conundrum and would very much like input. She has recently been ill, trapped in her diva digs for days on end, and feeling like yesterday's trash. A very good friend of hers offers to bring groceries or cook. Saucy Diva elects to have friend cook for her because she's so lethargic, she can't muster the energy to do so for herself. Additionally, she tells her good friend (PS not me) that she'd really enjoy the company. Saucy Diva's words follow:
She's excited! She comes over this morning with a mac & cheese casserole & a chicken casserole. She laughs & says: it calls for "such & such" but I didn't have any so it's not in there. And it calls for Ritz crackers on top but I didn't have any so I put Saltines. We laughed about it & hung out for a while. Tonight I go to eat the chicken casserole & it hasn't been cooked. I called her & got directions. Um...I can't recall what she said was missing but it was probably THE ingredient that counteracted the shaker of salt. I may have gained a pound from one serving. Question: How do I tell her? I have to. If we weren't so close I wouldn't bother, but she'd never made it before, she should know before she makes it again. Should I thank her & tell her how yummy it was and say, fyi, you might want to mark your recipe to reduce the salt to 1/10th what it calls for next time you make it.??? She isn't some Sensitive Sally but I also don't want to seem ungrateful!! (I'm not sure what I should add to it to reduce the salt. Otherwise I don't think I can eat it again & what a waste!!! I feel terrible! She went to all that trouble AND I was excited to have someone cook for me!) I mean, would you want to know? And I WOULD want to know- I wouldnt' want someone to lie when they just tossed it in the garbage bc they couldn't eat it!
Please Dish with the Divas and post your suggestions. I have already given Saucy Diva my opinion, but since she's already heard from me, let's hear from you. I'll tell you later what I suggested. Go on, click on "comments" over there below and to the right at the end of this posting, even if you post as Anonymous Diva / Dude. And Saucy Diva, please join our conversation.
XOXOXO
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9 comments:
You know what? I would really, really err on the side of caution, and just say, "Thank you for the meal. It was so kind of you to help me out in my time of need." I'd concentrate on the positive part - a friend helping a friend and not worry about the other. The only way I would say anything is if she asked, or if she was a super, super close friend - like we are Marjorie. People can be so sensitive - especially about cooking. Maybe the chick is a saltaholic, or maybe she was in a hurry and put too much in without thinking. If your friend does say something - tell her to be especially tactful. I've had and heard of friendships strained over the strangest, most innocuous things.
Moi, tactful? Very funny!! Not my forte, but I'm working on it! Maybe she is a saltaholic, I like that. Good thing she didn't give it to Marjorie or we'd have to go visit her in the hospital, her blood pressure would be through the roof (or whatever the reason is that she can't have salt). Hey thanks Katherine, that's what I'll do. I'll tell her I've been in the hospital & her salty casserole sent me there. That's tactful, right? At least it's a good way to break the ice.
Kitten, large quantities of salt and the ensuing blow-fish re-enactment is no laughing matter. It's worse than a bad hair day! If the offending cook can't measure salt, perhaps you'd like for her to stay out of your hospital room as well - she'd probably bring ragweed and cause complications. Don't get started down that path to hell. Please pass the salt.
I know several others of you are dying to weigh in. Be the frog - jump!
I'd have to agree with Katherine. I'd just say "Thank you for your kind deed; I SO appreciated it," and leave it at that. Too many people who say "I really want to know what you think"--don't. What they really want is praise. You've had your bite--now feed the rest to the dogs.
...and use your best Miss Manners voice to add that nothing more is necessary because "so many of my other friends/church members/coworkers have pitched in, I've got food for weeks!!"
Well, I think you should just tell that heavy-handed at-risk-for-stroke pal straight out that the food was indedible. Be nice, but don't let her embarass herself by giving it to an unsuspecting recent by-pass patient who may be next on her "good deed" list and on the obituary list as a result.
Thanks everyone for your opinions!! If it had been someone I didnt' know SO well, I would've simply thanked her for cooking for me & avoided anything about what it tasted like. I might even go so far as to ask for the recipe, still avoiding the salt issue. But here's how this situation turned out: I emailed her (we talk & email just about every day so this wasn't tacky) and thanked her profusely for having a servant's heart & cooking for a sick, single girl with no family in town. ETC. She wrote back: hoped it was okay bc she didn't know, it was her first time to make it. I jumped on that ...LOVED the mac & cheese! The chicken...you might want to note on the recipe to cut the salt by, say 75%. Just wanted you to know for next time! Please don't get your feelings hurt bc I am so grateful you cooked for me! She called me laughing. Of course she wasn't offended, she was sorry it was salty & wondered why bc she didn't add any salt.
I'm so glad it worked out! Honesty is definitely the best policy when someone asks for your straight up opinion.
I love that you said this, "I might even go so far as to ask for the recipe, still avoiding the salt issue." That is so totally me - feeling bad and over compensating! I have every kind of guilt possible.
Marjorie - I've noticed this posting seems to have a lot of responses. Perhaps we should have an etiquette question of the week. It might prove quite popular.
Glad it worked out!
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