Strategic Make Up Tips

I wish I had a quarter for every time someone calls me up and starts a conversation with, "Since you're The Diva, I just know you will have the answer to my dilemma." Oh, the pressure. This happens more than once a week. Not counting the emails, either.

So, tonight, I was home cleaning up home-made pizza splatter when a dear friend calls with that opening. Seems a friend (and in this case, I know it's not her disguising herself as a "friend") is going through a divorce, had a wild evening last night, and the fellow she was with insisted upon leaving his ... ahem ... mark ... er ... make that plural ... on her neck. She wears some type of uniform to work, so the scarf in July is completely out of the question. She needs on-the-spot solution, so to speak.

Frighteningly, I did not miss a beat. I did know just what to say. Now, on the off-chance my mother is reading this, I for the record haven't had this affliction since college. Personally, I find it tacky, but nobody asked me.

Anywho, the primary concern is to determine the color. She said it was purple. I had to again scientifically clarify: red-purple or blue-purple? There is a HUGE difference. In this case, it was red-purple. (NOTE: The victim is caucasian with very fair skin)

Once the coloration is determined, hie thee prontissimo to the nearest CVS to the Physician's Formula make-up section. Other brands may do, but I have it on great authority for the price, this stuff can't be beat. You will purchase 2-3 products.
1. The great and wonderful green cover-up. That totally tones down the red. Of course, there's another step, cause you just can't go out with green splotches - that's as bad as the root of the problem.
2. The double-sided yellow (one side)/beige (other side) liquid concealer that conveniently sometimes comes in one package wherein the double-sided wand screws (cough, cough) into each color. Do you get the visual? Sometimes these must be purchased individually due to stocking issues. The beige is good to cover the green.
SIDE NOTE: This make-up one-two punch also works wonders on blemishes.
SHOULD your problem be the blue-purple persuasion, skip the green stuff and go straight for the yellow concealer and glop it on, girl.
3. Liquid foundation (if you don't have any already).

Scurry home and see if this works. If so, you're good to go. If not, hop back in your car and find stage make-up ... specifically foundation in a stick if at all possible. Mine is the width of a quarter at the opening. This stuff is THICK and will cover anything, especially on top of the green stuff followed by concealer. While it makes me break out if I wear it too long, I think in this particular case, a break out wouldn't be so bad, n'est pas?!

One of my Latina-heritage cha-cha divas advises me that someone in this predicament should also spread the skin apart with fingers as tautly as possible, take a quarter and apply it to the devastated area, "much like rubbing butter on toast, only much, much harder". This, according to ella, makes the broken blood vessels and blood scurry from whence it came. Ella cautions that this will REALLY HURT. Follow immediately with lots of ice applied to the area, Poodle. (Can you just skip the rubbing part and go straight to the ice??? I wonder.)

I would la-la-love to hear your suggestions, Princess, so do comment by tapping the "comments" below to the right and pouring your heart out. It could help a diva in distress. You know, for the good of the group and all .... TOODLES!!!!

Sick of your kids yet??? Pack 'em off to camp pronto

It's not too late. Several camps have openings ... starting tomorrow morning. Here's the news release I wrote (I'm the spokesperson, so I can do this kinda' thing):

It’s not too late to get your child off the couch and save the summer from boredom and unending trips to the swimming pool. A few Alabama camps have spaces for children at their camps.

“Parents may think they are out of luck by this point in the summer, but the reality is that camps across the state do have openings for campers,” says Marjorie Davis, spokesperson for the Association of Alabama Camps. “Camps have wonderful activities for children designed to get them active before the school bell rings,” she continues.

Some of the most popular activities at camp this year include traditional favorites such as horse-back riding, riflery, swimming, and tennis. “Children at camp certainly don’t complain about being bored because they’re too busy having fun and engaging in exciting activities designed for age and ability,” says Davis. “In addition to the activities typically associated with summer camp, kids this summer are flying through the air on zip lines, climbing bouldering walls, and jumping into lakes on inflatables called Blobs. There’s not a bored face in sight.”

The Association of Alabama Camps represents more than 90 summer camps across the state of Alabama. This year, camps in Alabama will serve an estimated 250,000 people.

Here's who's got spots and when:
Camp Skyline for Girls, Mentone AL
July 6-18
July 20-August 1
Contact www.campskyline.com, call 1-800-448-9279 or email info@campskyline.com

Camp Cosby (YMCA) Alpine (Lake Martin), AL
July 6-11
July 13-18
July 20-25
July 27-August 1
August 3-8
Contact wmcclain@campcosby.org, www.campcosby.org

Marannook Camp (boys and girls), LaFayette, AL
July 20-25
July 27-August 1
Contact www.marannook.org or marannook@mindspring.com

Lookout Mountain Camp for Boys (ages 7-15), Mentone, AL
July 6-18
July 20-August 2
July 6-August 2
Contact www.lookoutmountaincamp.com or call (256) 634-4758

Camp Mac (boys and girls), Talladega National Forest, AL
July 14-August 9
Contact www.campmac.com, office@capmmac.com, or (256) 362-7449

Riverview Camp for Girls, Mentone, AL
July 6-18
July 20-25
July 20- August 1
Go to www.riverviewcamp.com for immediate registration or 800-882-0722 for questions

Camp Coleman (Girl Scouts), Trussville, AL
All remaining sessions through July 25
Day camp accepts boys and girls
Contact the registrar by calling 1-800-734-4541. Camper does not have to be a Girl Scout to attend camp.

Kanawahala Program Center (Girl Scouts), Dunnavant, AL
All remaining sessions through July 25
Contact the registrar by calling 1-800-734-4541. Camper does not have to be a Girl Scout to attend camp.

The available slots were reported to the AAC as of 7/2/08 and are subject change. Please contact individual camp for age, availability, payment arrangements, and other questions.

Grill Grabbers for July 4th

July 4th is Friday. Wondering what to prepare for an entertaining and delicious summer side? I suggest two foods that you may not think to throw on Barbie that make a wonderful summer splash and are are SO EASY to draw rave reviews.

Grilled Corn on the Cob
Despite the convenience and fast turn around of my dad's preferred corn-cooking method, the microwave, I like to grill corn. It's easy and fun to do. Fire Barbie to high and pull back the leaves to make handles. I like to tie the leaves with butcher's string or in a pinch, dental floss. Remove the silk, of course. You can throw the corn on to the grill like this, no problem-0. But I like to brush on quasi-melted butter infused with minced garlic and chopped cilantro or basil. It's just a little fancier with that little flair. Brush, cook, and rotate for about 10 minutes or so depending on the size of the corn. A trick is to keep the leaves from the flame. Once your corn is grilled, you can eat with the handy handles still tied up OR you can break the cob in half and slice off the kernels to use in a salsa or salad.

Grilled Peaches
Don't forget to grill fruit for an outstanding ovation, Mon Chef! My boys' current fave is grilled peaches. It tastes like peach pie with out the crust. They can't believe that I serve them this sweet-tasting delicacy with their meal and don't save it for dessert. You can do either one and you'll score major points with kids and grown-ups alike! Simply cut the peach into halves and remove the seed. I say "simply" because most people can do this without difficulty. However, I encountered peaches last Sunday that weren't exactly the ripest; I just couldn't get them sliced into halves very well. OK, I butchered them. Sigh, "Slaughtered" is more appropriate. Skewers saved the day! Either way, grill the peaches until you get those nifty grill marks on them (shorter cooking time for the sliced-to-bits variety than the perfectly sliced halves).

Serving options are abundant for grilled peaches. Most of the time, I serve them as a side because I'm time-crunched with STARVING children who currently are eating me out of house and home due to full-blast summer activities. Other suggestions I highly recommend include:
~ Serving for dessert with a scoop of ice cream on top of a grilled half OR a butchered peach as topping on the scoop of ice cream. Either choice makes a pretty and unexpected presentation.
~ Chop up the slaughtered grilled peach even further and make a salsa with your grilled corn to put on top of grilled fish. Add diced avocado, mango, and papaya mixed with a little lemon juice, garlic, and chopped cilantro and your fruit chutney with corn makes a colorful and delicious topping to please the eye and stomach.

Any grilled fruit or veggie you'd like to suggest? I'd love to hear about it, so post your fave by clicking that envelope picture below to the right. Happy Independence Day, Divas and Dudes!

Libation Celebration

As you may imagine, I embrace all things harmlessly fun. In that vein, I bring you what I have discovered lately in my personal search to take beer places they're not generally seen --specifically children's baseball tournaments. Let me just tell you how a mother needs a beer in a lightning storm with children bouncing out of boredom when ordered by umpires to the car for the 5th time in one inning. A diva just HATES to leave her beer unattended to warm without her when the game resumes ... only to be sent back to the car 15 minutes later. I bring you my latest adorable finds. I was specifically searching for beer can-o-flage when I stumbled on other options. Cupcake, these are must-haves and would make wonderful stocking stuffers for that adorable alcoholic in your life!


For $14, you can have this attractive puppy monogrammed for that personal flair. Please note the camo for that outrageous man in your life. None of that polka-dot @#$ for him! There are more selections, so check out http://www.thepinkmonogram.com/ for these coozies designed for the "taller beer cans, sports drink bottles, and baby bottles". I can't stop laughing!!!!


Now, for the serious public place closet beer drinker, these lovely reusable labels can be found on several Internet sites. Search "beer wraps" or "canoflage". Prices range from $5.89 to $12.00 for 4 different wraps. Might as well bulk order because the shipping is generally outrageous. But, hey, these are hilarious. And you can go to that music concert with open container proudly displayed, albeit hidden.

Cheers, my devilish Pixie!!!

Ball field Accoutrements

One of the bleacher moms told me yesterday before the electrical storm and ensuing downpour that I should post a list of everything I bring to the ball field so that my player and his cheering entourage can enjoy the game.
1. An umbrella, which inevitably gets left in the car.
2. A cooler with pre-frozen Gatorade and water bottles (you not only keep the cooler cooler, but the player gets the frozen drink in the dug-out and it stays colder longer OR he enjoys a slushie); a baggie with moistened wash cloths; bug spray (refreshing when you spray on chilled bug spray!); 45 sunscreen (ditto); drinks for the child's cheering section; sliced fruit; and ice in a baggie for injuries. I take a bigger cooler if we are enjoying a double-header in the oven.
3. Lots of napkins and paper towels
4. A stadium chair
5. At least 1 baseball for little brother's entertainment
6. A bag in addition to my purse. Mental note: need to condense this into one item. In the bag are snacks, chips - basically energy junk food that won't melt in the heat, little brother's glove, my glove (little brother has a rocket for an arm), tons of napkins, wet ones (usually gets left in the car), eye black stuff, face stick of sunscreen (I swear by that stuff with sweaty boys), and anything else I can't carry.

The Main Dish does a lovely pack mule imitation. Glamour abounds at the ball field. But, of course, I wear a floppy hat so as to ensure the diva-look.

Feel free to use these tips at your picnic or other outdoor activity in the oven.
Stay cool!

Tip Toe Shape

Cupcake, it's starting to heat up outside. It's time to put your toes out in cute sandals. Ooh! I just love shoes! However, don't blow the look by sporting ugly feet in snazzy footwear. What a buzz kill!

Now I know what you're thinking, "Darling Dish, I don't have time or money (do you KNOW what summer camp activities cost for kids? or how long a diva drives daily to get those kids out of my hair? YES, I do) to run off for a weekly pedicure!" No sweat. Here are some diva-licious home pedi tips so you can look your tip toe best!

1. Remove old nail polish completely.

2. With high quality clippers (invest in new ones every 2 years, I say), trim the toenail so as to not let the toenail hang over your toe. That's a toe-pas! (giggle: instead of faux pas! Couldn't resist it!)

3. For a square toe shape, file the corners of your nail in one direction using an emory board (metal files tear your nail, Princess!). Remember, the coarse surface shortens the nail; the smoother surface smooths the nail edge.

4. Soak those tired puppies. Use a large, flat-bottom bowl or equivalent with warm water to cover your feet completely. Add bath salts, aromatherapy products, or Epsom salt to the water. Delicious. Adding a 1/4 cup of milk to the water will do wonders since lactic acid helps loosen dead skin! Great factoid. The more calloused your feet, the longer your puppies stay submerged.

5. After toweling your feet off (don't they feel supple?!), apply cuticle remover to the base of each nail and rub in. After waiting a minute or so, use an orange stick to push back cuticles. Use cuticle clippers to remove excess, but be careful!!!

6. Apply a foot or body scrub to your foot. Use a wet pumice stone if you have one handy to apply the abrasive. The idea is to smooth your foot and remove dead skin. If your foot turns red, back off, baby -- you're punishing your peds!

7. Rinse, towel dry, and apply a moisturizing foot cream. Mmmmm.... I don't know about you, but I'm semi-conscious with relaxation at this juncture.

8. Rehydrate your cuticles with cuticle oil.

9. Pull out your nail polish remover (with acetone) and apply to the nail to get rid of the oils you just applied to the cuticle (i.e. leave it on the cuticle, but off the nail itself).

10. Once dry, apply 3 coats of nail polish and then a sealer.

Allow ample time for your polish to dry.

Now, isn't that refreshing and appealing, Kitten?! It makes such a big difference in the way you feel about yourself ... and makes those sandals look even more adorable! Promise!

The Indy 500

Do you think I had a good time at the 500 or what? I'm telling you, there's never a dull moment around me. I can get myself into pretty much anything.

There's just nothing quite like being in a really fast, really red race car plastered with sponsors. Hugging curves never felt so extraordinary. The engineers, though, leave out the comfort factor in these puppies. I can't imagine driving in that capsule for hours on end for 500 miles. Serious fanny fatigue has GOT to ensue.

The part about the race experience that made me laugh the hardest? People kept telling me that "Indy Car Racing is so much more high-brow than Nascar". The only thing I could imagine that people were talking about on this subject was that in addition to your soda and beer choices, Indy 500 fans can select margaritas at food and beverage stands in the stadium. Please tell me when tequila and triple sec started to qualify as "high brow". Not that I was expecting tails and Kir Royales to abound at the race course, but I'm starting to wonder about some of my racing sources and their lucidity.

One thing people kept telling me before the race is that Indy cars go faster than other race cars (hence, them thinking this race format is superior to the other types of racing; I can't judge as I've only been to a grand total of one race now). All I can say is you need to not blink because you'll totally miss a car going by. You can only detect a blur of color when the car passes you. Sometimes, I just counted the nee-yaa sounds whipping past.

A moment to talk about the spectacular seats we had. Diva Janet, you are a sporting arena goddess!!! The seats were AWESOME. We were about 12 rows from the track, across from the pagoda and stage where EVERYTHING happened. I could plainly watch Kristi Yamaguchi climb the ladder to get on the platform to wave the flag (her jeans, I SWEAR, looked like they were Jordache brand from the 80's!!!). I saw Danica throw down her gloves after she was hit and taken out of the race to try to settle the score. I watched Scott Dixon turn the bottle of milk on himself. The pagentry at that event is pretty cool ... and I could see the scheduled and unscheduled stuff without much aid from the jumbo-tron. Impressive.

The factoid I found most interesting: it didn't smell at all. The cars run on ethanol. Bet you divas didn't know that one. There's always something to learn, Kitten.