Please feel free to look back to my Christmas postings from last year ... as I have been remiss a lot lately in my posting (excuses are: wedding that was beyond a nightmare due to Critically Ill Main Squeeze and the ensuing recovery and ensuing sinus infection that is raging behind my face). Nonetheless, I'm still thinking of you, my Sweet Poodle! And I had to pop in for a moment to share this reinforcement with you.
I have said for years on the radio and in person and in writing that men want the gift of gadget for Christmas (that, and lovin', but I digress). It is a tragic mistake for men to assume that their lovely diva wants the same type thing. Really, resist that thought pattern with all your might. I submit for your viewing pleasure the attached, which I can only hope was inspired by my lectures on this topic.
http://creativity-online.com/work/view?seed=5e32d548
Gentlemen, please take notes.
Alas, I must retire now to my steaming cup of whatever it is I cannot taste.
XOXO
Marjorie the Married Main Dish
Showing posts with label Southern Gothic Potential. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Southern Gothic Potential. Show all posts
Friday, December 5, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I'm just moosin' with ya
In the case that moose suddenly becomes a trendy meat item what with the intrigue from Sarah Palin, I serve up some solutions that hopefully will put you on the cutting edge of cuisine. Again, should this take off across the nation like her unprezidented (tee, hee) stardom has.
Of course, moose don't roam around Alabama, which is good because some places have their hands full with deer. You may be relieved to know that your favorite venison dish can be prepared with moose meat as a substitute. In case you don't have venison recipes, I offer some moose meat recipes for your digestion.
Moose Stroganoff
1 1/2 lbs moose sirloin steak (cut in 1/2" strips) 3 tablespoons oil
1/2 cup flour, plus 2 tablespoons flour 1tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon salt 1 cup beef broth
1/2 lb mushrooms, chopped 1 cup sour cream
2 small onions, chopped 1 clove garlic
Roll meat in 1/4 cup flour and salt. Saute garlic, onions and mushrooms in oil for 5 minutes. Add meat and brown. Remove meat, mushrooms and onions from pan. Add remaining flour to drippings in pan. Add Worcestershire and broth. Cook until thickened. Add sour cream. Heat until gravy simmers. Add cooked moose and vegetables and reheat. Serve over noodles or rice.
I'm starting to crave a Nordic vacation after reading that one. Let's head south and warm up. 'Cause nothing says "authentic moose recipe" quite like ........
Mexican Moose Casserole
1 1/2 lbs. ground moose 1/2 Cup water
1 pkg. soft tortillas 1/2 Cup mushrooms
1 (10 oz.) can enchilada sauce 1/4 Cup sliced black olives
1 can tomatoes 1/2 lb. grated cheddar cheese
Brown meat and spread evenly in bottom of baking dish. Tear up tortillas and place over meat. Pour enchilada sauce, tomatoes and soup over tortillas in layers. Sprinkle cheese on top and refrigerate overnight. Bake 45 minutes at 300 degrees, covered. Remove and brown.
These don't do it for you??? Relax, Poodle. You can also use your favorite meatloaf recipe featuring your fresh ground moose or use ground moose as the twist on your next hamburger.
Off to pick up my new eyeglasses.
Of course, moose don't roam around Alabama, which is good because some places have their hands full with deer. You may be relieved to know that your favorite venison dish can be prepared with moose meat as a substitute. In case you don't have venison recipes, I offer some moose meat recipes for your digestion.
Moose Stroganoff
1 1/2 lbs moose sirloin steak (cut in 1/2" strips) 3 tablespoons oil
1/2 cup flour, plus 2 tablespoons flour 1tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon salt 1 cup beef broth
1/2 lb mushrooms, chopped 1 cup sour cream
2 small onions, chopped 1 clove garlic
Roll meat in 1/4 cup flour and salt. Saute garlic, onions and mushrooms in oil for 5 minutes. Add meat and brown. Remove meat, mushrooms and onions from pan. Add remaining flour to drippings in pan. Add Worcestershire and broth. Cook until thickened. Add sour cream. Heat until gravy simmers. Add cooked moose and vegetables and reheat. Serve over noodles or rice.
I'm starting to crave a Nordic vacation after reading that one. Let's head south and warm up. 'Cause nothing says "authentic moose recipe" quite like ........
Mexican Moose Casserole
1 1/2 lbs. ground moose 1/2 Cup water
1 pkg. soft tortillas 1/2 Cup mushrooms
1 (10 oz.) can enchilada sauce 1/4 Cup sliced black olives
1 can tomatoes 1/2 lb. grated cheddar cheese
Brown meat and spread evenly in bottom of baking dish. Tear up tortillas and place over meat. Pour enchilada sauce, tomatoes and soup over tortillas in layers. Sprinkle cheese on top and refrigerate overnight. Bake 45 minutes at 300 degrees, covered. Remove and brown.
These don't do it for you??? Relax, Poodle. You can also use your favorite meatloaf recipe featuring your fresh ground moose or use ground moose as the twist on your next hamburger.
Off to pick up my new eyeglasses.
Friday, September 12, 2008
OK, This is better than that grocery store crap
Inspired by a posting by Cardiac Diva.
Here's a suggestion on how to pass some time watching the hurricane coverage over the next 24 hours. For those of you who don't hear me on the radio, from time to time, I advocate drinking games during coverage of national events to make them much, much more interesting (I'm not about to be branded PC, so why pretend?). I believe these can work for those purposes. If you prefer to lessen the mixing of alcohol, I suggest an alternate game could be that any time you hear the phrases that are the name of these drinks, swill your beverage of choice. You can actually order these drinks in New Orleans at St. Charles Tavern.
MANDATORY EVACUATION
1 1/2 oz. Absolut Ruby Red vodka
1/2 oz. vermouth
ClamatoPrune juice
Combine vodka and vermouth in cocktail glass. Fill remainder of glass with equal parts clamato and prune juice. Stir. Drink. Ask next-door neighbor whose ficus tree blew over and crashed onto your roof-- even though you'd warned him for months to uproot it--if you can use his bathroom. Repeat.
CATEGORY 5
1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. tequila
1/2 oz. rum
1/2 oz. bourbon
1/2 oz. gin
Sweet-and-sour mix
Splash of fruit juice
Combine vodka, tequila, rum, bourbon and gin in a tall glass. Fill remainder of glass with sweet-and-sour mix and splash of juice. Stir, then garnish with an inverted drink umbrella. Drink during peak storm hours, and vow not to believe anyone who tries to tell you the hurricane that flooded your garage and destroyed your shed was just a Category 1.
CONE OF PROBABILITY
1 oz. cinnamon schnapps
1 sugar cone
Pour the schnapps into the sugar cone. Every time you hear a TV weatherman say, "cone of probability," bite off the end of the cone and down the shot. If you hear Weather Channel StormTracker Jim Cantore say it, drink two shots consecutively. (They should change this to the "Cantore Zone"... damn him.) Have you ever noticed that, despite all the cone of probability talk, if Cantore is parked in front of your house your ass is toast?
FEEDER BAND
2 oz. Midori
2 oz. rum
1 scoop vanilla ice cream
After your home loses power, combine Midori and rum in a cocktail glass. Add a scoop of the vanilla ice cream that is melting in your freezer. Stir, and drink through a straw.
BEACH EROSION
1 1/2 oz. Goldschläger
1/2 oz. apple brandy
1 pack Sugar in the Raw
Combine Goldschläger, apple brandy and sugar in cocktail glass. As you drink, seriously contemplate moving your Yankee ass back to New Jersey where it belongs.
DOWNED POWER LINE
1 1/2 oz. rum
5 oz. Jolt Cola
Combine ingredients in a cocktail glass. Drink while trying to figure out how the heck you're supposed to go two freakin' weeks without television and AC.
FLOOD ZONE
2 oz. Kahlúa
2 oz. Baileys Irish Cream
4 oz. rum
Serve in a 6-ounce glass and laugh-cry deliriously as the mess spills all over the countertop. (Get it? There's a little math involved, Pumpkin!)
LOOTERS WILL BE SHOT
1 oz. Jack Daniel's
Splash of sarsaparilla
Rock salt
Load both barrels of a shotgun with rock salt. Climb to the roof of your house with gun, bottle of Jack Daniel's and can of sarsaparilla. Fill shot glass with Jack and splash of sarsaparilla. Watch for looters. When you spot one, blast his ass with rock salt. Drink shot. Repeat.
I don't know about you, but thanks to Cardiac Diva, I'm going to be a lot more relaxed while watching hurricane coverage from now on!
Here's a suggestion on how to pass some time watching the hurricane coverage over the next 24 hours. For those of you who don't hear me on the radio, from time to time, I advocate drinking games during coverage of national events to make them much, much more interesting (I'm not about to be branded PC, so why pretend?). I believe these can work for those purposes. If you prefer to lessen the mixing of alcohol, I suggest an alternate game could be that any time you hear the phrases that are the name of these drinks, swill your beverage of choice. You can actually order these drinks in New Orleans at St. Charles Tavern.
MANDATORY EVACUATION
1 1/2 oz. Absolut Ruby Red vodka
1/2 oz. vermouth
ClamatoPrune juice
Combine vodka and vermouth in cocktail glass. Fill remainder of glass with equal parts clamato and prune juice. Stir. Drink. Ask next-door neighbor whose ficus tree blew over and crashed onto your roof-- even though you'd warned him for months to uproot it--if you can use his bathroom. Repeat.
CATEGORY 5
1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. tequila
1/2 oz. rum
1/2 oz. bourbon
1/2 oz. gin
Sweet-and-sour mix
Splash of fruit juice
Combine vodka, tequila, rum, bourbon and gin in a tall glass. Fill remainder of glass with sweet-and-sour mix and splash of juice. Stir, then garnish with an inverted drink umbrella. Drink during peak storm hours, and vow not to believe anyone who tries to tell you the hurricane that flooded your garage and destroyed your shed was just a Category 1.
CONE OF PROBABILITY
1 oz. cinnamon schnapps
1 sugar cone
Pour the schnapps into the sugar cone. Every time you hear a TV weatherman say, "cone of probability," bite off the end of the cone and down the shot. If you hear Weather Channel StormTracker Jim Cantore say it, drink two shots consecutively. (They should change this to the "Cantore Zone"... damn him.) Have you ever noticed that, despite all the cone of probability talk, if Cantore is parked in front of your house your ass is toast?
FEEDER BAND
2 oz. Midori
2 oz. rum
1 scoop vanilla ice cream
After your home loses power, combine Midori and rum in a cocktail glass. Add a scoop of the vanilla ice cream that is melting in your freezer. Stir, and drink through a straw.
BEACH EROSION
1 1/2 oz. Goldschläger
1/2 oz. apple brandy
1 pack Sugar in the Raw
Combine Goldschläger, apple brandy and sugar in cocktail glass. As you drink, seriously contemplate moving your Yankee ass back to New Jersey where it belongs.
DOWNED POWER LINE
1 1/2 oz. rum
5 oz. Jolt Cola
Combine ingredients in a cocktail glass. Drink while trying to figure out how the heck you're supposed to go two freakin' weeks without television and AC.
FLOOD ZONE
2 oz. Kahlúa
2 oz. Baileys Irish Cream
4 oz. rum
Serve in a 6-ounce glass and laugh-cry deliriously as the mess spills all over the countertop. (Get it? There's a little math involved, Pumpkin!)
LOOTERS WILL BE SHOT
1 oz. Jack Daniel's
Splash of sarsaparilla
Rock salt
Load both barrels of a shotgun with rock salt. Climb to the roof of your house with gun, bottle of Jack Daniel's and can of sarsaparilla. Fill shot glass with Jack and splash of sarsaparilla. Watch for looters. When you spot one, blast his ass with rock salt. Drink shot. Repeat.
I don't know about you, but thanks to Cardiac Diva, I'm going to be a lot more relaxed while watching hurricane coverage from now on!
Monday, July 14, 2008
You can't make this stuff up!
Here's the latest antics from my former radio show hosts, Richard Dixon and J. Willoughby. Just goest to show a diva never knows who she'll find she knows when browsing the AP wire reports! I know these guys. Trust me. They'll go through with it, too!
Dad Sells Baby's Name for $100 Gas Card
AP
Posted: 2008-07-12 16:10:34
Photo credit: Jacob Langston, Orlando Sentinel
AP
Posted: 2008-07-12 16:10:34
Photo credit: Jacob Langston, Orlando Sentinel
ORLANDO, Fla. (July 12) - An Orlando man has traded the naming rights to his unborn son for a $100 gas card. David Partin recently heard that a local radio station was giving $100 worth of free gas to the listener who called in with the most interesting item to trade. Central Florida radio hosts Richard Dixon and J. Willoughby were quick to take Partin up on his offer, The Orlando Sentinel reports.
David Partin, posing with his pregnant girlfriend Samantha Bailey, agreed to sell the rights to his unborn boy's name to a Orlando radio station for a $100 gas card. Two morning show hosts plan to name the baby after themselves, "Dixon and Willoughby."
When the baby is born this winter, he will be named Dixon and Willoughby Partin — with the "and" included. Partin's girlfriend, Samantha, says at least her son will have an interesting story about how he got his name. Dixon and Willoughby plan to be at the hospital when the baby is born and will hand over the gas card when they see the official birth certificate.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Strategic Make Up Tips
I wish I had a quarter for every time someone calls me up and starts a conversation with, "Since you're The Diva, I just know you will have the answer to my dilemma." Oh, the pressure. This happens more than once a week. Not counting the emails, either.
So, tonight, I was home cleaning up home-made pizza splatter when a dear friend calls with that opening. Seems a friend (and in this case, I know it's not her disguising herself as a "friend") is going through a divorce, had a wild evening last night, and the fellow she was with insisted upon leaving his ... ahem ... mark ... er ... make that plural ... on her neck. She wears some type of uniform to work, so the scarf in July is completely out of the question. She needs on-the-spot solution, so to speak.
Frighteningly, I did not miss a beat. I did know just what to say. Now, on the off-chance my mother is reading this, I for the record haven't had this affliction since college. Personally, I find it tacky, but nobody asked me.
Anywho, the primary concern is to determine the color. She said it was purple. I had to again scientifically clarify: red-purple or blue-purple? There is a HUGE difference. In this case, it was red-purple. (NOTE: The victim is caucasian with very fair skin)
Once the coloration is determined, hie thee prontissimo to the nearest CVS to the Physician's Formula make-up section. Other brands may do, but I have it on great authority for the price, this stuff can't be beat. You will purchase 2-3 products.
1. The great and wonderful green cover-up. That totally tones down the red. Of course, there's another step, cause you just can't go out with green splotches - that's as bad as the root of the problem.
2. The double-sided yellow (one side)/beige (other side) liquid concealer that conveniently sometimes comes in one package wherein the double-sided wand screws (cough, cough) into each color. Do you get the visual? Sometimes these must be purchased individually due to stocking issues. The beige is good to cover the green.
SIDE NOTE: This make-up one-two punch also works wonders on blemishes.
SHOULD your problem be the blue-purple persuasion, skip the green stuff and go straight for the yellow concealer and glop it on, girl.
3. Liquid foundation (if you don't have any already).
Scurry home and see if this works. If so, you're good to go. If not, hop back in your car and find stage make-up ... specifically foundation in a stick if at all possible. Mine is the width of a quarter at the opening. This stuff is THICK and will cover anything, especially on top of the green stuff followed by concealer. While it makes me break out if I wear it too long, I think in this particular case, a break out wouldn't be so bad, n'est pas?!
One of my Latina-heritage cha-cha divas advises me that someone in this predicament should also spread the skin apart with fingers as tautly as possible, take a quarter and apply it to the devastated area, "much like rubbing butter on toast, only much, much harder". This, according to ella, makes the broken blood vessels and blood scurry from whence it came. Ella cautions that this will REALLY HURT. Follow immediately with lots of ice applied to the area, Poodle. (Can you just skip the rubbing part and go straight to the ice??? I wonder.)
I would la-la-love to hear your suggestions, Princess, so do comment by tapping the "comments" below to the right and pouring your heart out. It could help a diva in distress. You know, for the good of the group and all .... TOODLES!!!!
So, tonight, I was home cleaning up home-made pizza splatter when a dear friend calls with that opening. Seems a friend (and in this case, I know it's not her disguising herself as a "friend") is going through a divorce, had a wild evening last night, and the fellow she was with insisted upon leaving his ... ahem ... mark ... er ... make that plural ... on her neck. She wears some type of uniform to work, so the scarf in July is completely out of the question. She needs on-the-spot solution, so to speak.
Frighteningly, I did not miss a beat. I did know just what to say. Now, on the off-chance my mother is reading this, I for the record haven't had this affliction since college. Personally, I find it tacky, but nobody asked me.
Anywho, the primary concern is to determine the color. She said it was purple. I had to again scientifically clarify: red-purple or blue-purple? There is a HUGE difference. In this case, it was red-purple. (NOTE: The victim is caucasian with very fair skin)
Once the coloration is determined, hie thee prontissimo to the nearest CVS to the Physician's Formula make-up section. Other brands may do, but I have it on great authority for the price, this stuff can't be beat. You will purchase 2-3 products.
1. The great and wonderful green cover-up. That totally tones down the red. Of course, there's another step, cause you just can't go out with green splotches - that's as bad as the root of the problem.
2. The double-sided yellow (one side)/beige (other side) liquid concealer that conveniently sometimes comes in one package wherein the double-sided wand screws (cough, cough) into each color. Do you get the visual? Sometimes these must be purchased individually due to stocking issues. The beige is good to cover the green.
SIDE NOTE: This make-up one-two punch also works wonders on blemishes.
SHOULD your problem be the blue-purple persuasion, skip the green stuff and go straight for the yellow concealer and glop it on, girl.
3. Liquid foundation (if you don't have any already).
Scurry home and see if this works. If so, you're good to go. If not, hop back in your car and find stage make-up ... specifically foundation in a stick if at all possible. Mine is the width of a quarter at the opening. This stuff is THICK and will cover anything, especially on top of the green stuff followed by concealer. While it makes me break out if I wear it too long, I think in this particular case, a break out wouldn't be so bad, n'est pas?!
One of my Latina-heritage cha-cha divas advises me that someone in this predicament should also spread the skin apart with fingers as tautly as possible, take a quarter and apply it to the devastated area, "much like rubbing butter on toast, only much, much harder". This, according to ella, makes the broken blood vessels and blood scurry from whence it came. Ella cautions that this will REALLY HURT. Follow immediately with lots of ice applied to the area, Poodle. (Can you just skip the rubbing part and go straight to the ice??? I wonder.)
I would la-la-love to hear your suggestions, Princess, so do comment by tapping the "comments" below to the right and pouring your heart out. It could help a diva in distress. You know, for the good of the group and all .... TOODLES!!!!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
File Under: Are You KIDDING ME?????
For those of you thinking that on-line dating services = the way to find hotties, I submit this California girl's approach.
http://www.latimes.com/la-icu,0,5849955.htmlstory
There's just so much wrong with this, I can't narrow down the place to start. So, I suggest you read the postings after viewing the video. Quite entertaining yet totally disturbing when you think about it. Oh, and you hot guys, please be careful at the gas station in case this catches on!
The question I can't get out of my mind is: What is a guy on a bike doing at a gas station near the pump anyway? I think there could be more to the story. Which distrubs me further.
Aargh! My day is consumed with this mental bubble gum.
http://www.latimes.com/la-icu,0,5849955.htmlstory
There's just so much wrong with this, I can't narrow down the place to start. So, I suggest you read the postings after viewing the video. Quite entertaining yet totally disturbing when you think about it. Oh, and you hot guys, please be careful at the gas station in case this catches on!
The question I can't get out of my mind is: What is a guy on a bike doing at a gas station near the pump anyway? I think there could be more to the story. Which distrubs me further.
Aargh! My day is consumed with this mental bubble gum.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
What I learned: Brangelina Radio Topic Follow up
There were several items from my Monday spot on The Rox Report that I didn't get to and think my divas and dudes will enjoy knowing:
You can have it all. Especially when you have enough dough to fly around in your own Gulfstream Jet with pilot, go everywhere with 2 nannies and 3 security guards, and are met at friends mansions by a staff of 12 at your service. When that's the case, you can be a mom and work for world peace. See, this is what it takes to make that happen. Pressure's now off, Kitten.
You (yes, you in the pink) can have Angelina’s lips. While they seem to be a natural phenomenon, you can emulate the look with these simple steps:
1. Exfoliate your lips (huh? I know!) with warm water and a wet wash cloth for 30 seconds.
2. Use Angie-endorsed Carmex on your lips to keep them succulent looking all the time. Yes, she has said in interviews that it’s her secret make-up product. Anywho, Carmex also makes your lips more receptive to enhancement treatments you apply yourself
3. Scurry and purchase one of those limp plumpers (the most recent thing in lip-enhancing technology – yep, they have "lip technology" these days). NOTE: some brands may give you a slight burning feeling and some brands note to not lick your lips for fear of allergic reaction wherein your throat may swell up (beauty for what cost, I ask you?!?)
3. a. ALTERNATE IDEA: Raid your seasonings and grab some cayenne pepper OR a combo of ginger and cinnamon to increase the circulation in your kisser and apply a very small amount across your lips and top with lip gloss. Again, especially cayenne could cause what I would consider to be moderate discomfort, so be careful with that application
4. Use a light colored lip liner close to the shade of your lips and fill in the entire pucker area and top with lip gloss (Angie never sports gigantic red lips).
While I’m not about to do any of the above, if you’re so inclined, tell me about your adventure with beauty concoctions involving your spice rack and your face.
Of course, these tips are less expensive than the #1 growing request plastic surgeons are hearing from women: lip enhancement surgery so they will look like Angelina.
SIGH! Kitten, you are a divine human.
I'm looking up Rox's blog to post a link on my faves, BTW.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Help Desks Suck
My personal email isn't sending or receiving reliably. God only knows how long this has been going on. I have spent THREE DAYS on e-technical support and subsequently on the telephone to helpless Help Desks. Here's what I've learned so far:
~ No one really gives a crap
~ The people who are supposed to help you aren't really equipped to help you. You have to kick and scream to get anywhere. In doing so, you risk pissing off the little people who can write lies in the "log" about the problem, spouting such untruths as "she hung up on me, so I'm not fixing the problem since she is uncooperative". GOOD GRIEF! Why on God's Green Earth would I do something that would take LONGER to solve the problem???
Here's the morsel I've found to date:
If you get someone in India, you may request an American operator and they must transfer you to the next available on-shore operator. LOVE THAT!
Any tricks or tips or bribes that have worked for any of you to get you further up in the line of fellow sufferers would be most appreciated.
I think I'll need a lobotomy if I have to deal with much more of this. Alcohol won't dull the pain.
~ No one really gives a crap
~ The people who are supposed to help you aren't really equipped to help you. You have to kick and scream to get anywhere. In doing so, you risk pissing off the little people who can write lies in the "log" about the problem, spouting such untruths as "she hung up on me, so I'm not fixing the problem since she is uncooperative". GOOD GRIEF! Why on God's Green Earth would I do something that would take LONGER to solve the problem???
Here's the morsel I've found to date:
If you get someone in India, you may request an American operator and they must transfer you to the next available on-shore operator. LOVE THAT!
Any tricks or tips or bribes that have worked for any of you to get you further up in the line of fellow sufferers would be most appreciated.
I think I'll need a lobotomy if I have to deal with much more of this. Alcohol won't dull the pain.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Worst Hair Day EVER
I'm about to dump hair color bottle 3rd attempt on my head. I've gone from carrot top to purple and now I'm reservedly optomistic about wishing for a lovely shade of Elvira. Any tips?
My hair stylist is having a crisis or is on drugs or both. I can't hang around long enough to find out.
I need help .... FAST.
My hair stylist is having a crisis or is on drugs or both. I can't hang around long enough to find out.
I need help .... FAST.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
K-Fed / Brittany Custody Crisis = NOT NORMAL
Doncha' just love the stupid things stars say?! Some days, it really keeps me going. This being the icing on the proverbial cake.
K-Fed in an interview posted this morning on People Magazine's website http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20171844,00.html?xid=rss-topheadlines says :
"I think the infatuation with the whole thing is that watching us go through things [custody hearing] makes other people feel normal."
Pumpkin, NO! This is NOT NORMAL. I've been through a custody fight and your way ain't textbook; nowhere is it close to "normal". In fact, I follow this mental-bubble-gum gossip stuff and it makes me feel somewhat SUPERIOR TO YOU. Not in the whole checkbook balance arena, but in the real life stuff. Heck, I can wear a trench coat over my old wedding dress and go shopping for a Mercedes with a friend, too. That ain't normal, either, but I could do it. It just would never occur to me to do that. Because it's not normal. So, no. The Peanut Gallery is not looking at your story to feel normal. We're gawking and pointing and snickering and pretty much thankful that we're not part of that soap opera. We are NOT thinking that because this is happening to you that our own stuff is normal. We don't equate your life and our lives as happening in the same world.
But, Feddie, Poodle, if you need to think that we think you're normal just to get through this absurd situation with your out of control estranged wife.... then go right ahead. Ooh, I am compelled to make one more teensy, tiny comment: It's not normal to have your bodyguard pick up your kids when it's your turn to have them. It's your responsibility to transport YOUR kids. Sure, making arrangements for their transportation is technically fine BUT outside of continual court appearances and what with the writers' strike (you could be going on Conan or something, I suppose, to talk trash to fill your days), I don't see that you're doing a whole heck of a lot work-wise. What's to fill your time with besides transporting your children to say the park or Michael Jackson's home for a fun-filled afternoon? (Again, besides court and the lawyer meetings) So go pick up your own flesh and blood children YOURSELF if you want me to think that you're a credible, loving parent who will take the very best care of those helpless creatures with a freak-show for a mother for the love of Pete.
Why am I not a judge? Oh yeah. You wouldn't be able to see my fabulous shoes behind the bench. Right.
K-Fed in an interview posted this morning on People Magazine's website http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20171844,00.html?xid=rss-topheadlines says :
"I think the infatuation with the whole thing is that watching us go through things [custody hearing] makes other people feel normal."
Pumpkin, NO! This is NOT NORMAL. I've been through a custody fight and your way ain't textbook; nowhere is it close to "normal". In fact, I follow this mental-bubble-gum gossip stuff and it makes me feel somewhat SUPERIOR TO YOU. Not in the whole checkbook balance arena, but in the real life stuff. Heck, I can wear a trench coat over my old wedding dress and go shopping for a Mercedes with a friend, too. That ain't normal, either, but I could do it. It just would never occur to me to do that. Because it's not normal. So, no. The Peanut Gallery is not looking at your story to feel normal. We're gawking and pointing and snickering and pretty much thankful that we're not part of that soap opera. We are NOT thinking that because this is happening to you that our own stuff is normal. We don't equate your life and our lives as happening in the same world.
But, Feddie, Poodle, if you need to think that we think you're normal just to get through this absurd situation with your out of control estranged wife.... then go right ahead. Ooh, I am compelled to make one more teensy, tiny comment: It's not normal to have your bodyguard pick up your kids when it's your turn to have them. It's your responsibility to transport YOUR kids. Sure, making arrangements for their transportation is technically fine BUT outside of continual court appearances and what with the writers' strike (you could be going on Conan or something, I suppose, to talk trash to fill your days), I don't see that you're doing a whole heck of a lot work-wise. What's to fill your time with besides transporting your children to say the park or Michael Jackson's home for a fun-filled afternoon? (Again, besides court and the lawyer meetings) So go pick up your own flesh and blood children YOURSELF if you want me to think that you're a credible, loving parent who will take the very best care of those helpless creatures with a freak-show for a mother for the love of Pete.
Why am I not a judge? Oh yeah. You wouldn't be able to see my fabulous shoes behind the bench. Right.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Cheers to Diva WineKnow
Please note that I have added Diva WineKnow's new blog to my list of Faves (lower left on the page). I am delighted to see an informative spot to check out wine info. I hope you will visit the blog and Jennifer's store in Vestavia. I'm heading that way just as soon as we polish off the cases of Bombay Cafe house wine that The Main Squeeze purchased for our last party. Let's just say that my garage, a.k.a. Wine Cellar (ha!), is a fire hazzard currently. Such problems this Main Dish has ....
Friday, November 16, 2007
For Turkey, Will Travel?
If you are a guest, here’s how to get invited back and not stuck being the host next year:
~ Arrive no earlier than the time the host has announced and no later than half an hour after the time.
~ Stay about an hour after dinner unless travel plans or sleepy children necessitate leaving earlier.
~ Bring a gift plus a bottle of wine if you're not bringing a dish or two
~ Offer to help set up for dinner and to clean afterward
~ Notify the host of any special dietary needs IN ADVANCE -- if you are a vegetarian, diabetic, or allergic to common foods. Better yet, bring a special dish yourself.
~ If you're going to a potluck Thanksgiving, bring a serving dish with your contribution. Take a page from my supper club and prepare it at home and bring any serving pieces necessary.
Write a thank you note. These people are completely exhausted after catering to you, so the least you can do is thank them in writing. Wouldn't your Mama be proud?! You know it's the right thing to do anyway.
Bon Appetit!
~ Arrive no earlier than the time the host has announced and no later than half an hour after the time.
~ Stay about an hour after dinner unless travel plans or sleepy children necessitate leaving earlier.
~ Bring a gift plus a bottle of wine if you're not bringing a dish or two
~ Offer to help set up for dinner and to clean afterward
~ Notify the host of any special dietary needs IN ADVANCE -- if you are a vegetarian, diabetic, or allergic to common foods. Better yet, bring a special dish yourself.
~ If you're going to a potluck Thanksgiving, bring a serving dish with your contribution. Take a page from my supper club and prepare it at home and bring any serving pieces necessary.
Write a thank you note. These people are completely exhausted after catering to you, so the least you can do is thank them in writing. Wouldn't your Mama be proud?! You know it's the right thing to do anyway.
Bon Appetit!
Monday, November 5, 2007
Etiquette Emergency - Please Respond
My pal, Saucy Diva, has a conundrum and would very much like input. She has recently been ill, trapped in her diva digs for days on end, and feeling like yesterday's trash. A very good friend of hers offers to bring groceries or cook. Saucy Diva elects to have friend cook for her because she's so lethargic, she can't muster the energy to do so for herself. Additionally, she tells her good friend (PS not me) that she'd really enjoy the company. Saucy Diva's words follow:
She's excited! She comes over this morning with a mac & cheese casserole & a chicken casserole. She laughs & says: it calls for "such & such" but I didn't have any so it's not in there. And it calls for Ritz crackers on top but I didn't have any so I put Saltines. We laughed about it & hung out for a while. Tonight I go to eat the chicken casserole & it hasn't been cooked. I called her & got directions. Um...I can't recall what she said was missing but it was probably THE ingredient that counteracted the shaker of salt. I may have gained a pound from one serving. Question: How do I tell her? I have to. If we weren't so close I wouldn't bother, but she'd never made it before, she should know before she makes it again. Should I thank her & tell her how yummy it was and say, fyi, you might want to mark your recipe to reduce the salt to 1/10th what it calls for next time you make it.??? She isn't some Sensitive Sally but I also don't want to seem ungrateful!! (I'm not sure what I should add to it to reduce the salt. Otherwise I don't think I can eat it again & what a waste!!! I feel terrible! She went to all that trouble AND I was excited to have someone cook for me!) I mean, would you want to know? And I WOULD want to know- I wouldnt' want someone to lie when they just tossed it in the garbage bc they couldn't eat it!
Please Dish with the Divas and post your suggestions. I have already given Saucy Diva my opinion, but since she's already heard from me, let's hear from you. I'll tell you later what I suggested. Go on, click on "comments" over there below and to the right at the end of this posting, even if you post as Anonymous Diva / Dude. And Saucy Diva, please join our conversation.
XOXOXO
She's excited! She comes over this morning with a mac & cheese casserole & a chicken casserole. She laughs & says: it calls for "such & such" but I didn't have any so it's not in there. And it calls for Ritz crackers on top but I didn't have any so I put Saltines. We laughed about it & hung out for a while. Tonight I go to eat the chicken casserole & it hasn't been cooked. I called her & got directions. Um...I can't recall what she said was missing but it was probably THE ingredient that counteracted the shaker of salt. I may have gained a pound from one serving. Question: How do I tell her? I have to. If we weren't so close I wouldn't bother, but she'd never made it before, she should know before she makes it again. Should I thank her & tell her how yummy it was and say, fyi, you might want to mark your recipe to reduce the salt to 1/10th what it calls for next time you make it.??? She isn't some Sensitive Sally but I also don't want to seem ungrateful!! (I'm not sure what I should add to it to reduce the salt. Otherwise I don't think I can eat it again & what a waste!!! I feel terrible! She went to all that trouble AND I was excited to have someone cook for me!) I mean, would you want to know? And I WOULD want to know- I wouldnt' want someone to lie when they just tossed it in the garbage bc they couldn't eat it!
Please Dish with the Divas and post your suggestions. I have already given Saucy Diva my opinion, but since she's already heard from me, let's hear from you. I'll tell you later what I suggested. Go on, click on "comments" over there below and to the right at the end of this posting, even if you post as Anonymous Diva / Dude. And Saucy Diva, please join our conversation.
XOXOXO
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Halloween Thoughts
Adults are the #1 freak-show for spending for Halloween. (Kids still rack up on the candy, though.) Halloween is gaining on Christmas for the highest spending holiday category. The National Retail Federation expects consumers to spend about $4.96 billion on Halloween cards, candy, costumes, and decorations. That translates to about $60 per average consumer. And that number is up 51% over last year. It’s the 2nd or 3rd biggest party (depending on who’s counting) behind the Super Bowl and New Year’s Eve. So, what’s the scare scoop?
There really is a Great Pumpkin, apparently. Or folks are jumping on the Linus Bandwagon. There is a surge in Great Pumpkin Parties across the nation, complete with “Boo Gifts” from the large round fellow (who in my imagination looks remarkably like Coach Phil Fulmer, but I digress). It seems to me that if this is going to be a trend, there are folks who could burn up some of their spare time volunteering at a soup kitchen – serving, of course, pumpkin or squash soup!
Did you know that Hallmark is producing over 300 different Halloween cards this year?! That boggles my mind.
The largest age group going over-the-top for Halloween consists of folks 18-24. 85% of them are throwing some kind of Halloween-Bash. And please note that Halloween parties aren’t limited to one week anymore – it’s a month-long celebration. Pumpkin, get partying!!!! FAST!
I am starting to wonder when people are REALLY going to get smart and COMBINE Halloween and Oktoberfest. Back to the topic....
After taking the goblins trick-or-treating, it's adult Toddy Time! Here's what I'm whipping up in my cauldron .... Caramel Apple Pie Tini
1-3/4 oz Bailey's with a hint of Caramel
1/3 oz. Smirnoff's Twist Green Apple Vodka (slurp!)
1/3 oz applesauce
Dash of caramel syrup
Pour applesauce in the bottom of a martini glass. Dash your caramel syrup on top of that. Shake remaining ingredients in your dazzling cocktail shaker with ice. Strain and pour yourself into bed. Gotta' rest those tootsies that I crammed into witch boots all day (it's amazing what a girl will do to entertain small children)! Might as well enjoy a cocktail while lounging!
There really is a Great Pumpkin, apparently. Or folks are jumping on the Linus Bandwagon. There is a surge in Great Pumpkin Parties across the nation, complete with “Boo Gifts” from the large round fellow (who in my imagination looks remarkably like Coach Phil Fulmer, but I digress). It seems to me that if this is going to be a trend, there are folks who could burn up some of their spare time volunteering at a soup kitchen – serving, of course, pumpkin or squash soup!
Did you know that Hallmark is producing over 300 different Halloween cards this year?! That boggles my mind.
The largest age group going over-the-top for Halloween consists of folks 18-24. 85% of them are throwing some kind of Halloween-Bash. And please note that Halloween parties aren’t limited to one week anymore – it’s a month-long celebration. Pumpkin, get partying!!!! FAST!
I am starting to wonder when people are REALLY going to get smart and COMBINE Halloween and Oktoberfest. Back to the topic....
After taking the goblins trick-or-treating, it's adult Toddy Time! Here's what I'm whipping up in my cauldron .... Caramel Apple Pie Tini
1-3/4 oz Bailey's with a hint of Caramel
1/3 oz. Smirnoff's Twist Green Apple Vodka (slurp!)
1/3 oz applesauce
Dash of caramel syrup
Pour applesauce in the bottom of a martini glass. Dash your caramel syrup on top of that. Shake remaining ingredients in your dazzling cocktail shaker with ice. Strain and pour yourself into bed. Gotta' rest those tootsies that I crammed into witch boots all day (it's amazing what a girl will do to entertain small children)! Might as well enjoy a cocktail while lounging!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Vampires and Homicidal Maids
Do you ever get the feeling that there's something sinister in the air??? People conspiring against you??? Is it getting close to Halloween and folks taking it a wee bit too seriously? I offer the following true, scary story ...
The professional cleaning service who "cleans" my house is trying to kill yours truly -- a good, paying customer for many years. ME!!! I work out of my house. Been doing so for the last 15 years. Anyway, yesterday morning during the routine cleaning unbeknownst to moi, the cleaning team put a toxic concoction in all of the toilets. I did hear a sizzling sound throughout the day, but assumed it was due to the fantastic purple and silver scarf wrap I was wearing over my all-black outfit. It did look good. My shoes ... Oh, sorry. Right. Posting. I'm back. So, I was here working ALL DAY breathing POISON. If I didn’t before, I have some kind of breathing problem now – I can barely catch my breath and the stuff dripping in my throat is like slime from New Jersey. The headache I had last night was beyond horrendous. Imagine my surprise when my doorbell rang this morning. The cleaning service showed up unannounced at 9 a.m. after I complained. I'm starting to think that they were checking to see if they'd done me in yet or if they needed to try again.
I was home when the homicidal cleaners showed up BECAUSE my 4 year old BIT my 6 year old approximately 5 seconds before we HAD to walk out the door. I'm talking punctured and bruised skin kind of bite. LORD! Anyway, I had to punish the biter and the bitee had to be at school. Yeah. Fun morning.
Whaddya think, Kitten? Can I blame the biting behavior on the sinister toxic fumes pulsating through my home's ventilation system? Should I terminate the cleaning service before they terminate me? I'm leaning towards yes.
The professional cleaning service who "cleans" my house is trying to kill yours truly -- a good, paying customer for many years. ME!!! I work out of my house. Been doing so for the last 15 years. Anyway, yesterday morning during the routine cleaning unbeknownst to moi, the cleaning team put a toxic concoction in all of the toilets. I did hear a sizzling sound throughout the day, but assumed it was due to the fantastic purple and silver scarf wrap I was wearing over my all-black outfit. It did look good. My shoes ... Oh, sorry. Right. Posting. I'm back. So, I was here working ALL DAY breathing POISON. If I didn’t before, I have some kind of breathing problem now – I can barely catch my breath and the stuff dripping in my throat is like slime from New Jersey. The headache I had last night was beyond horrendous. Imagine my surprise when my doorbell rang this morning. The cleaning service showed up unannounced at 9 a.m. after I complained. I'm starting to think that they were checking to see if they'd done me in yet or if they needed to try again.
I was home when the homicidal cleaners showed up BECAUSE my 4 year old BIT my 6 year old approximately 5 seconds before we HAD to walk out the door. I'm talking punctured and bruised skin kind of bite. LORD! Anyway, I had to punish the biter and the bitee had to be at school. Yeah. Fun morning.
Whaddya think, Kitten? Can I blame the biting behavior on the sinister toxic fumes pulsating through my home's ventilation system? Should I terminate the cleaning service before they terminate me? I'm leaning towards yes.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Amy Winehouse Crack
Continuing with the today's apparent theme of Topics Qualifying for Southern Gothic Novel Story Lines Yet To Be Written, I submit the following link concerning Amy Winehouse, one of my Mental Bubble Gum obsessions (ref. Edge of Coolness post) who routinely makes me feel amazed by my capacity as a Responsible Competent Adult (my absolute fave term found in numerous kiddie toy assembly instructions).
UK fallen stars 2:35
The jaw-dropping moments of this CNN report for This Dish include Amy's father's soundbite and the reporter relaying that Amy's in-laws are pleading with people to stop buying her records, which, by my Mental Giant calculations, are enabling her drug habit. Oops! Did I spoil the best part for you????
UK fallen stars 2:35
The jaw-dropping moments of this CNN report for This Dish include Amy's father's soundbite and the reporter relaying that Amy's in-laws are pleading with people to stop buying her records, which, by my Mental Giant calculations, are enabling her drug habit. Oops! Did I spoil the best part for you????
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