Saturday, November 15, 2008

Mental Note: Resist Spaghetti Day at Your Kid's Elementary School

When we moms get busy, we start to feel guilty about not paying enough attention to our kiddos. Personal reference: impending wedding (next week), heavy work load, normal never-ending amounts of laundry, etc. PLUS a child's birthday this week. So, one of our coping mechanisms to make our tots feel the mommy love is to go have lunch at the school when you can squeeze it into your mid-morning routine (yes, they eat lunch very early, which is why the afternoon snack is an essential MEAL).

I blatantly disregarded the lunch menu and was relieved that I could not only squeeze in lunch with one child, but both. Mine have the fortune of eating at 10:45 a.m. and 11:00 a.m., so I can get a visitor's pass and hang in the lunchroom for about 45 minutes and make BOTH boys feel like a million bucks. Sounds like the end of a little guilt, no?

So, it was Spaghetti Day. Let me just explain in as few words as possible how disgusting spaghetti + Kindergartners equals. I went to stand in line to get the unknown meal and my eyes rested on short noodles of spaghetti. I realized it was 10:45 and I was looking at spaghetti and felt terribly woozy. I managed to pass on lunch somehow and decided I'd just sit with the child(ren) and enjoy their precious company.

Once I got to the table with the Kindergarten class, the situation worsened. Despite wiping their faces kind of, the kids all took on an orange pallor. One kid I sat next to (not mine, thank God!), managed to get a small amount of sauce on his right ear (the side next to me, naturally). I thought at least twice I was about to have to run for a breath of fresh air.

Those sweet peas kept asking me if they could get me some iced tea. Really, I just couldn't imagine swallowing anything at that juncture. I must have looked a little green ... which certainly would have clashed with their bright, smiling, orange faces

Mercifully, their lunch time ended. When the 3 helpers in the class came to wipe down the tables, I had to flee. Really couldn't take that.

Nowhere was safe, though. I went to the second grade child's class table. Interesting dynamic in second grade: The girls realize that the boys eating habits leave a lot to be desired and split to the extent they're allowed what with the rule being that they HAVE to all sit as a class in a line of about 4 tables. There were 2 girls on one far end of the outermost table, 5 or so boys in the middle table (mine in the middle of this 3-ring circus, of course) lined up on one side so they have to lean over each other's food to talk to the ones on the outer edges, and the teacher and about 6 other children (notably the remaining girls) at the other far end table. Not catching on quickly and ever-hopeful that second grade would be less gross, I sat across from my child, who, again, was in the middle of the pack of boys .... ahem ... eating his green beans with his fingers. What a proud moment that was for me. Had it been night, I would have run out into it screaming my lungs out. Alas, it was not even noon.

The only improvement - and believe me, it was an improvement - was that their faces all seemed to have relatively normal tones. A small mercy.

While I managed to survive, I simply cannot close my eyes to sleep because Spaghetti Day at Elementary School flashes before me and my legs wobble and the rest of me feels totally shaky.

Please pass the Ambien.